Crash Diet


Stephen Hornsby-Smith

R- A survivalist on a crash diet of self-destruction How do you plan for that?

S- The path is always random, everything or nothing, or things split down the middle.

R- You are so...'work!' I'll tell you what you need mate,get yourself some philosophy

S- All that outback and you're steering me into a crash !

R- All that training mate? What happens next ?

S- Yer know what yer got there mate, all fast forward !

R- What a team !

S- Bit late for that, just too Roman !

R- Knowall the bloody Romans have gone !

S- They don't make-em like they used to.

R- What a great beauty !

S- I don't even know how to spell out back!

R- 'To where you once belonged !' Yer know what you've got there mate ?

S- Some Beetles is what I've got

S- There was this Chellist..

R- Skip the rolling haybale once in a trillion etc

S- Clogs !

R-This is rigged !.oh, slows me down...

S- Just luck !

R- You're a Lucky man '

S- And so are you !

R- Joel and Ethan ?

S- I'll look up Joel and Ethan, but I don't want to spend to much time raining on your parade.

R- Every time I look up something in the Dictionary, I feel that I have to correct or at least change the definitions...It gives me fever!!

S- Don't look at me ! If you want to start a fight then let the fever take you !....just leave my features alone !

R- ...I'll leave it to the 3 degrees to sweep-up afterwards

S- Okay reader, she means her 3 bodyguards !

R- SDV, are not a sexually transmitted disease ! Why belly-ache when one has helped some Russians get work here in Blighty ?

S- Violence does not rule the world Ran

R- Just the threat of it !

S- Mutual cowardice does it for me

R- So the deterrent factor is that...er..help me out here Painter...

S- Terrorized by fear Randall ! The threat of not being a coward.... scares the living daylights out of every one! Long live cowardice !

R- Hang-on? That is bloody deterrent you berk!

S- As I said mutual cowardice does it for me every time !

R- But is it the right cowardice?

S- Tell your shrink to leave bone fide cowardice alone !

R- He's my Priest !

S- You confess to him, that bits true, but er..........

R- So he doesn't dress-up in black and cut you in to quarters metaphorically

S- That's the sign of the cross Ran

R- I too have talents that 'my Priest' says I have in abundance..

S-......Including Sergei, Dimitri and Vladimir doing your dirty work for you.

R- " Go Liberals go !"

S- Economy rates?

R- " Go, go, go,..."

S- Why do you pay for a service when you can confess to the Priest for free?

R- Clogs Painter! Time is in the moment..where can I get a Priest at this time of night ?

S- Access issues. Now I get it !

S- Hail junkie to living in the here,right now'!

R- All modus operendi here hardly got himself down as an trailblazer ! They've been messing with your head for centuries..

S- And yet your letting a stranger,who claims to be as reliant as a Volvo into your head when the likelihood is that he needs you more than you need him!

R-On the money ! I pay him his fee, and he pays me for my training of him. That way I know what's on his mind !

S- Your 'Priest' actually confesses to you?

R- It was a little tricky at first but....

S- You can't control every one here Ran !

R- But I can enjoy the freedom of trying !

S- Alright Ms Singer better the splutter mutter from your, no you're are his handler, and working yourself up into anger management issues ....

R- Flip a coin ? Sway with the breeze until you wheeze into middle-age !

S- You need a Cornish cave to set-up a 'school for indoctrination'

R- You probably have lousy taste in music too !

S- Vamp of the lamp suits you too !

R- How many 'too's can we two do ?

S- My record is 23 consecutively !

R- My limits 12...but then I cheated !

S- You think that what will occupy my mind won't be my superior number but that 'you cheated'me out of enjoying it ! How will you control me next?

S- Bingo ! We have a winner ! 'Silence' ! You now know why Monks and Nuns go sometimes into strict orders - to make others talk !

R- If you confess to a monk or a nun are your secrets safe ?

S- My lips are sealed ! But there's may be not !!??!!

R- I knew I couldn't trust that bitch Olga !

S- Did Olga kiss and tell ?Trust me with your fears Randall Sayer..

S- Okay, what did the cow do?

R- Olga wasn't a very loud sister, quite self-contained before she went into a convent.

S- Sister?

R- I have about 30 or 40 half brothers and half sisters...and I thought she could be relied upon !

S- What could she do to compromise you?

R- Sweet FA

S- That means 'sweet fanny adams' for all of you who have a rational mind and..

R-....Not like ours !

S- Leave me out of this !

S- Okay , leave me into it too !

R- I should have left her in Brooklyn !

S- That was last week not this week !

R- Busy week !

R- What if she tells every body that I've no real secrets to get worried about ?

S- Goodness ! If that got out ?

R- I'd be ruined !

S- If you draw the line at Christian Priest's how about a Rabbi?

R- They'll see right through me !

S- But isn't that the idea?

R- Confess to something that is genuine and get exonerated immediately because of my honesty ! Trust people to respect honesty ! They'll hate me for it !

S- The Rabbi ?

R- No, the Rabbi supports Arsenal instead of Chelsea...that is my default position. Never will I trust an Arsenal supporter again !

S- Honesty is the best policy for freaking people-out, I must say !

R- I thought that was ambivalence?

R- Hang- on !How did you know I got freaked out when Arsenal won the League ?

S- How long ago was that ? Are we talking ancient history ?

R- Rhetorical!

S- Don't worry ! I can keep that a secret !

R- I'm relying on you here Stephen !.........

S- ..............unlike Olga !

R- She now works at Sainsbury's in Watford !

S- Was she booted out of the convent then?

R- No! She was so good at being silent that Mother-superior talent spotted her for missionary work !

S- At Sainbury's, in Watford ?

R- She's on a mission..

S- Don't get all Blues brothers on me?

R- Who the hell are the Blues Brothers?

R. Don't give me the silent treatment?

R- Okay, I'm sorry !

S- They were the 'Priest's of white trash blues' before you were born

Do not mock them or insult a University God from my first year !

R- Starving of culture were you?

S- Absolutely and proud of it !

S- What are you doing ? Isn't that a yellow and red card from a Referees note book?

R- I've saved it for this moment

S- Why?

R- To be honest I don't actually know?

S- Something that your 'Priest' gave you?

S- The bastard ! He's been hypnotizing you without you realizing !!?!!

R- Fuck it ! He now knows all my lack of secrets !

S- And that is why honesty will shine !

R- Serves that fucker right !

S- What are you going to do..I mean don't tell me if it involves blood...?

R- Let it play-out

S- So the 3 degrees won't be singing someones heart out today?

R- Revenge is best served with a warrant. Mum's the word !

S- Literally?

R- What do you think Painter ??!!


© 2019 Stephen Hornsby-Smith

Website by Otters Pool Studio