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My eyes are falling

Stephen Hornsby-Smith
Stephen Hornsby-Smith

S- Do you not see that Randall?

R- I'll add it to my mother's to do list ! 'She is a sweet old Lady'

S- I know right?!

R-I was being sarcastic !? She's actually a tyrant !

S- I thought that was your father ?

R- Him too ! Did you know she put some Molly inside your food last week, as an experiment? If you want her 'Gestapo stroke Scarface' side of her, read her poetry !

S- No one's at their best, well actually no one's at their best ever!

R- I know mother can be sweet and motherly but she manipulates worlds. She even tried to kill Churchill by laughter and heart attacks because 'she was bored' ! She even tried to kill a friend on Saturn, they went back years, and still..

S-...............................she didn't succeed ! Besides, that story sounds more like total fiction - I mean Saturn ?

R- We have 25 colonies, no wait ! 26 colonies on 26 planets, having just added 'Fleming' to the number !

S- So.........................................'Fleming '? I mean come on !

R- yeah ! It's 5 galaxies away ! Drag no ? But she called it Fleming because James Bond was her creation !

S- Not really winning me over here Ran? perhaps if you'd have suggested 'Alexander Fleming' and not just the surname I would ..

R-.....................................................we do have a planet called 'Penicillin too !

S- Good to know ! But this is a private show between myself and myself to judge your kind mother who has always made me very.........

R-................................................welcome? I don't think so ! In fact..

S-...........................................................................................Miss paranoia, infection infestation consumes redaction of IVF...'Wait ! What , why the fuck am I ' Making IVF compulsory for the...Randall this is ffing weird !

R- Oh, didn't I tell you ? your food was drugged ! It was mother's idea ! Not so nice is she? I'll walk you through if you're experiencing difficulties...Just remember, you won't remember - that's a good thing ! trust me !

S- Go with the random abandon, the line in the sand..

R- Me thinks he likes it !?

S- You'll be really spitting random before the night is through

S- But it's only 10 in the morning ?!

R- just as I get to be the abusive one here ! OK? I own you for about an hour or less ! Don't do all that stuff! You're a red head with an agenda, Remember?

S- What is this shit Ran ? " On-line hacker? Smack hacker into a magazine of mutual hacking deadlines....what the ..Randall?

R- Go with it my friend!

S- Meet my friend Randall she drugs her friends !

R- Something for my CV?

S- " Credit debt is just another lonely person going on blind dates from the internet., credit , a debt to profit give credit where it's due ! A bank is made of..

R-....answers to everything except to everything !

S- want beige? I can give you....

R- No beige ! Jettison the beige

S- Artists have to pike 3 times a year, but only on their birthdays !Honey-pot hanging-on or is that a poison infusion ? Costa coffees now has one more competitor ! Macdonalds is a town in Sussex named after Ronald but only after the British lost a bet to now Russian owned home of the 'Big Mac' ! Mass data dumps to be synchronised by the Salvation army on one leg where murder is only permitted on Mondays by the under 8's.

R- If there's one thing I know, it's not what I do know !

S- Lady? Can I speak with your supervisor ? I didn't like the way I was treated , but can I get some more of it ? Shall I show myself in, or is that the first principle of business? or is that a series of isolated consonants ? I always liked Woody Allen's approach: I favour the under confidant consonants as a matter of genetic principle - we are the guys that mutate and shift evolution one step further ! But that would mean that vowels would need a higher profile.....and those confidant guys have got enough going for them anyway so .... caravans are to be made smaller and compulsory for those using Harley Street to play football in after midnight ! But gridlock ain't going to be allowed ! No writers block or any form of paralysis for the over 30's. Pregnancy will be made available after 5 in the morning. Political spin Doctors will be accorded sole right s to practice as Psychiatrist's in Canada, but on Wednesdays only ! You must purchase your own courtroom before you can claim damages from Sci Fi B movies ! There must be a vaccine against boredom, and politician's must all have flu when in the House of Commons and hay fever in the House of Lords ! Government must be by droppings alone ! Instead of reading tea leaves, Surgeons must all be trained in pigeon pooh droppings for diagnostics! Only on the 24th December will anybody be able to mention the term 'Christmas'! People can ask for temporary lobotomization whilst they watch any soap operas, and listeners to radio on every frequency will have to have their ears temporarily cut-off , to be repositioned afterwards by NHS staff ! All criminality will have to go straight as a form of torture, and be put on a virtual gallery in women's clothing for the rest of their lives. Sport must be welcomed as the device that bonds all communities together or face heavy violence done to their 'teams players', or their siblings will all be knee-capped !! Tolerance is to be the new currency for the economy. The winner of all combat sports will get the prize of immediate psychological therapy for the woman of his choice, whether she approves or not ? Non purchase is to illegalised between 2 to 3o'clock in the morning in Portsmouth only !

R- Painter? Can you hear me....?

S- Sleep must be allowed only on the basis of not feeling sleepy !

R- Mr Manifesto? Can you hear me ? Painter? I'M GOING TO TRY TO PULL YOU OUT OF IT IN A FEW SECONDS. OKAY?

S- Socialism is a Butlins Holiday for 3 days each year only. A permanent 'Generation Game will be run by a virtual Bruce Forsythe, where the conveyer-belt winner will only be allowed to take home things 'she can't remember'! But any faking-it and she will be immediately electrocuted ! Marriage certificates are only to be given based upon academic excellence ! Property must remain a placebo ! All under 7's to be University trained by the over 90's ! Intellectual discussion must only be partaken inside trains alone ! The lottery winners must lose everything they own at daybreak the next day after they show their winning ticket !

R- You are just a natural spam Painter !

S- All grandparents have to join the police force

R- Remind me not to piss you off Painter !

S- F off Randall ! Randall?

R- And here is the man of the moment ! My boy! I've got to tell you, you really are the King of malespeak !

S- Why thank you Randall; I think?

R- 30 minutes and you were rolling !

S- Rolling..? What was I rolling?

R- It really was a tour de force !

S- What Ranny baby !

R- This time I won't hurt you, but ever call me that again and I'll leave you frying in there !

S- Okay! Message received ! But 'frying where'?

R- It was a beautiful thing that I'm sworn to secrecy. But Painter, Mr enlightener.. well more like ..........misanthropy really !

S- Is this the moment when I should apologise?

R- Never apologise hombre. Besides you piste and the sort of random that I like ! Not to everyone's taste!! But I thought you were terrific with all that............bigotry and prejudice...You were just warming-up ! ? How does that work ?

S- My body is my..

R- Tool? I knew it!

S- That's not what I was going to say! Let me see. Where were we? Oh yes, 'My body is my mind'

R- Well, I'd recommend a holiday for your...erm mind !? No really ,your head will get after shocks for a while and

S- From what Randall?

R- Doesn't matter ! Have you tried this stuff?

S- What stuff? I don't do stuff Randall!

R- Time for lunch !


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