An Infection?



Mary (the supervisor), Stephen? Over to you.

S- Hello...er.. my name is Stephen and I've been a Painterholic for over 30 years.This is my 39th meeting with the group since a friend encouraged me to seek help! I've not painted for 2 weeks.

Collective group applause

S- I don't want paint to destroy all the love and pleasure in Art...but i can't stop thinking about acrylic and er oils...just landscapes and seascapes and......

M-.........................................................................So let's keep to the good progress you've made Stephen. Tell us about addiction to Painting, and why it's such a social sleaze disease!...

S- With every fix I ...er see the world as a different place...you know...and I just have this urge to paint in a modernistic...

M-...............................and what do you glean from this?

S- ...that life without Art is just a flat-pack from IKEA, but that Painting is a parasite on the beauty of Art!

M- We all share the same hallucinations of Painting being Art grandeur..but have you tried to kick the habit at all?

S- Sure I've tried impressionism, er.. I've tried painting in watercolours ... er..

M- Have you tried to moderate your output to stop the self punishment of Painting...

S-...................................................................................................I've tried to, god knows I've tried to, but I just dream about colour when I'm asleep. and I imagine colour in everything; I mean what sort of nut-job does that crazy stuff right?

M- Have you tried to change your diet, or played some sport or Painting castration?

S- I thought about Painting castration(Conceptual Art), but i figured I'd learn to paint with my toes or by anything just to get my fix of Paint!

M- Conceptual Art (Painting Castration) isn't for everyone Stephen.

S- I've tried to go cold turkey...but I just couldn't do it alone! I mean what sort of father and husband deliberately chooses to be a conceptual Artists?

M- Concentrate on the positives! Have you come to terms with the terrible things Painting addiction can do?

S- I've done terrible things! I mean..you wouldn't believe.. the things I've

M-.........................................................................................Tell the group and the group will grow Stephen

S- I've sold some of my Paintings..............................to the black underground market..

M- It's OK, it's OK Stephen It's fine, Alright? Are you ready to continue Stephen? Did you sell to the Cosa nostra in the Art underground black market at all Stephen

S- ..I did! She seemed ...likeable and honest...she said she was an Art Agent...

M- .......................But was she working as an agent ... in an Art lawyer firm?

S-.she was!

M-It's alright! It's over! It's over...come back to the light Stephen, come back to the light...he's still breathing , I can feel a pulse!!!

S- I betrayed my friends, my family and all those who are genuine Artist's!

M- And when did you decide to reform Stephen?

S- .................After I began to sell Paintings..in Galleries! I know ! I know! I'm just trash, a fuck-up.....and I'm so sorry!

M- Both female and male Painter's have known to frequent...er Galleries

S- Say it goddammit! They are the brothels of the Art world!

M- Did they try to..er ..put-up your work too Stephen?

S- They did!

M- Did you have an exhibition in an Art gallery Stephen

S- I did!

M- Ladies and gentlemen, today Stephen has shown courage and commitment beyond what most of us can't even imagine how any one could endure!

S- I did it for my kids and wife, who I love very much!

M- Did your marriage ever come under strain ?

S- It did!

M- How?

S- .........I began to sleep with fewer women other than my wife..

M- How did that make her feel?

S- She was livid with me!

M- And how did that make you feel ?

S- As though I'd cheated on my wife!

M- Have you reformed now Stephen?

S- I've moved on! I'm sleeping with female sculptors now

M- That is real progress Stephen!

S- My wife is tickled pink!

M- So how much would you give to be free of the disease, the airborne and waterborne infection of Painting Stephen?

S- I'd give anything to be free of it! Anything!

M- Your wife is proud of you for turning up and turning a corner!

LOUD ROUND OF APPLAUSE

M- Arthur, are you ready to share? Maybe next time.? Whenever you're ready.There's no telling when the seed is planted to be free of the curse of Painting, and there's no telling how far some think they can deal with it on their own. Arthur, your problem is no doubt traumatizing, so whenever..... OK?

M- Pablo, what is your story?

P- (in a strong Spanish accent) I even paint ugly, i mean so ugly, but I can't stop the money..I don't ever want to see those sons of bitches again! It was horrible! Shouldn't be allowed! It's just shelf-farm!!!

M- self-harm?

P- I have been a victimized by this terrible disease. I hate everything! I hate my family, I hate my friends I hate you you hijos de putin madres ! I HATE YOU, I ..

M-................................................................Alright Pablo, No he's OK , he's OK 'he's fine! OK

Calm down Pablo. Remember those breathing exercises I taught you? In ...out,...in

Pablo has suffered from the same Art malaria as we all have! And some try to tell us that Art malaria is a good thing? They should be ashamed of themselves!

M- I wasn't always Mary you know?! My real name is Kahlo. The pains in my back come from the agony of being a Modernist Painter too! I will die alone and in great pain! And for what? For what? Morphine can not give me any solace.

M- Now I can give you a great example of of a reformed Painter and now fully integrated into the Art community... Tracey? Tracey Emin is our star performer our star reformer and a self-taught survivor who will say afew words.

T.E.." Painting? It's fucking bullshit!"

M- Thank you Tracey, thank you.That was inspiring wasn't it Ladies and gentlemen? Tracey Emin,our girl...who is in 'Painting remission'!

ROUND OR APPLAUSE

M- Did you get any support Tracey?

T.E- I swapped the Paint for the booze!

M- Good thinking!

T.E- I took up fame as well!

M- Did it provide you with enough of a 'shock-treatment'?

T.E- No one should go through cold-turkey by fame! I wouldn't wish that on anyone!

M- But thanks to you today, fewer people will paint tonight! Ladies and Gentlemen, I give it up for Tracey Emin!

Applause

M- Remember! Think before you Paint before you drive! And..

S- Painting can destroy your wife!

M- There we have it! And there we must leave it. A big thanks to Father Adrian who has all now heard our group confession, and no doubt we're better with the big guy up in the sky! Thanks to Stephen, Pablo, Arthur and Tracey! See you all in 2 days time!!


© 2019 Stephen Hornsby-Smith

Website by Otters Pool Studio