Randall and Painter

Play emerges from another dialogue between Randall and Painter.

R- Let's put together all the dialogues we've made together.

P- All of them?

R- Why not?

P- How far do you want to bury ourselves in the past?

R- they are all useful...well to get a better picture.

P- I see what you did there! Very too obvious!

R- Okay, let's start with today.

P- We've got to get a context first...

R-...............................................well it's not going to be the last is it!?!

P- To my dear effing sherlock, academia, subterranean, a bit of music overplaying an alternative 'Leith lectures, let’s say they offer snuff theatre,

R- A performance, and of competing plays.

P- I thought we've put that in the last play we did that we put on a 'front page of a theoretical broadsheet?

R- ....and or a tabloid etc

P- ...but someone in the audience is operated on...with only a local anaesthetic.

R- ...non one, including the invited select audience and the 'patient', knows whether they will have an organ removed or implanted!

P-"HARM OR SALVATION!!!"?!

R- you are a bit random, aren't you?

P- Okay, the theatre all votes for it.

R- Even the 'patient' doesn't know whether they are ill or not...?

P- Perhaps their partners have secretly put them on an NHS waiting list without them knowing?

R- ....and what if they have lied about their partners illness or lack of it?

P- "SCALPEL OR SPOON?"!!!!

R- I'm going to say that ...we both do not want someone to...actually be this sadistic!!! and yet be prepared to take the risk of potentially be so ...........victimised?!!

P- What do you think someone is forced to undergo an exploratory operation by highly skilled surgeons just to.... for them to make it up as they go along? Or worse! What if the surgeon has to compete with another surgeon? Both as their victim or their patient who gets to have an implant? The first to be holding the scalpel or the one who makes the last stitch!

R- How is that meant to work?

P-Each surgeon has 30 seconds each rotating the control of the operation!

R- we're playing pass the parcel on the operating table?

P- No, we're also having one of the surgeons being a saboteur.... and if they succeed?

R- ..............................................................the other is struck off the medical profession!

P- or they both try to pile pressure on each other, with the potential fear of each other blamed for malpractice?

R- Ow! I liked the saboteur idea.

P- But they don't know if it could still be in operation!

R- how many operations within operations did you want?

P-Perhaps a fist fight with scalpels? The one who loses ....is operated upon?

R- hey! I meant to be the sadistic one!!!

P- Knowing you Randall there would be a gender or race/ethnicity thing going on,let alone what you'd make of sexual identity scalpel in your hands!

R- All is right with the world when I can overshare!

P- Randall, nothing is right with this world or any other one when you get to overshare!

R- But it would make great TV!! Perhaps a soap opera ...or something?

P- hardly strictly, is it?

R- Perhaps on the right wavelength...with the right publicity?

P- Randall? Effing no! I know what you did to El Dorado!!!

R- Okay...there is that!

P-well go on, tell everyone!

R- All the actors ended in Neighbours.

P- No Randall, tell....

R-..........................okay they all ended up in a Siberian prison.

P- Run by?

R- my ...father

P- Why?

R- because he wanted to make up the numbers!

P- he was too successful because...?

R- because rape numbers fell off a cliff.

P- Because?

R- No one wanted to be subjected to .... well, you can all guess now! And if you can't? Bugger off!

R- But what if all the surgeons had no medical training?

P-let's switch, or shift shall we! Wait! The surgeons who make 'changes' happen in your dad's neck of the woods have no medical training?

R- Well, they can learn on the job here.

P- everyone should know, Randall's only lying...they are all highly trained surgeons who do a job on rapist men in Russia, you can rest assured that no cack-handed crap is going on there!

They may be deviant surgeons, but they are highly trained by the very best that the medical world can offer!

R- Do you know how bonkers that sounds? People would pay a lot of money for someone else....'R- They will have to have no medical training..

P- are you bonkers!!??

R- People would pay a lot of money for someone else to be tortured by happy scalpellers with no medical training, especially if both partners 'volunteer their partners!!?

P- You mean, this is how you decide the dinero's from a divorce?

R- You're assuming that if you are 'lucky' to have your partner chosen, that your partner never makes it after the operation?

P- Well that's the risk isn't it!

R- he or she will be livid that they have been 'chosen' but survived an operation singled out for them by their 'spouses', who were hoping they wouldn't make it!?!

P- That's why you need a 'survival bonus'! They, the 'survived' get any organ they wish for, either to replace what's been taken from them or they can demand that their ex has a limb removed and replaced by any of their siblings' limbs of the choice of the spouse whose spouse survived!!!

R- That could be a rather awkward conversation......Imagine how do you casually drop that into someone’s lap? I mean if the sibling (who has to have one of his or hers 'limb removed) wasn't aware of any such terrifying and scandalous betrayal?

P- By their sibling? Or who had tried and failed to get their spouse killed and used them as collateral??!!

R- of course the sibling!!! it wasn't just to get 'the estate', it was to torture the brother or sister in-law!!

P- a husband or a wife would sacrifice their health, and -if, and there would be no certainties that they would survive, they could then feed a psychotic need to destroy a bloodletting of a sibling’s mobility etc??

R- That’s true love baby!! That's what we all want!!

P- Only you want that, Randall. No one else!!

R- But what if it was the sibling’s idea to start with?

P- What if it was the children’s idea....

R- or the grandchildren?

P- No Randall, you don't want to go overboard!!!?

R- No! That's exactly what I want to do!

P- This is just a piece of...'mockerana fun’.

R- A documentary! That's it, Painter! Let's make it a U-tuber!!

P- You just want to impress your dad.

R- No I don't! So, he makes rapist men get pregnant multiple times by hormonal and surgical transformation in a Russian prison as a punishment! What we're proposing...

P- ................................................................................................................what 'you are' proposing is just to piss off your dad by out competing on the perverse stakes!

R- He has a God complex... and in Russia you better have something to back that up such a boast!

P- He boasts of it?

R- .......................getting misogynists pregnant who if they try and abort it, they will get twins inside their new wombs...can you imagine how vulnerable any prisoner, especially a pregnant one in a Russian jail in Siberia is? Of course, papa is willy waggling!

P- So you want to stretch the sadism to even more hideous heights ...just because he's getting well paid and gets considerably more kudos for every organ transplanted etc ....and you want to bring in transplant removal as well as imposition with an coup de grace of various familial things you would like to do to your father?

R- There you go again!! Always with the over thinking!!!

R- Well? Art mirrors life and vice versa

P- Look at all those greedy smokers!!?

The audience chant: CORDIVOR OR CONNIVER? SCALPEL OR SPOON? (again and again)

R- My stomach is grumbling.

P- this makes you feel hungry?

R- Only with my plate full will I lose my appetite.

P- My palette is full even if that guy's life isn’t.

R- just fool the plate by not getting out the cutlery.

P-Is he now using that spoon or is that his idea of a scalpel?

R- If you can't hide your pleasure in the mists of autumn why would you hide it from the fog of spring?

P- What is that...some kind of Rumi? wasn't he that Persian poet of the 13th century?

R- mother knew him well and was quite the monopoly player!

P- they had monopoly back then?

R- the idea came from doubting Thomas.... he was such a casino freak!!!

P-they had casinos...like Vegas?

R- Why did Henry VIIII get rid of the monasteries?

P- Because of the casinos!

R- ouch!!? That's gotta hurt!!

P-..........................................thank you.

R-Not you!! That poor bastard!

P-which one? That gut's working on 3 bodies at the same time!!

R-And that's why you'd want to remain solitary even if you have to chance your arm at loneliness.

P-Everyone wants to be a solitary figure...

R- No 1 I’m not going to bite Hornsby!

P- Just for little old me?

R-Do you know that you are only here because I'm paying your life rent?

P- wait? my life is paid for as long as I'm with you?

R- everything has a monetary price.

P- including money?

R- no, that's the exception! Shit I've bitten, haven't I?

P- Like taking candy off a baby!

R-Listen grasshopper, you owe me a student debt.

P- For what?

R- You are an asset; therefore, you owe me big time!

P- Let's leave logic aside, shall we?

R-Mother doesn't approve!

P- but I'm not in your debt.

R- ahuh?

P- when was the first time?

R-I want you to be in my debt...it's the only thing mother gets about us...this.

P-Too many troubles equals too many assets!! I want you to depend on me....as an

well,.. depend on my dependence on your wad of money ...or green shield stamps!

R- That is the key to all locked doors to a mere mortal like you!

P- a troubled asset is a mere mortal...we don't stop being able to live in the right direction...

R- never underestimate trauma, inflation of one's self-destructive qualities and always suffer from self-denial.

P- I’ve heard you say it so many times Ran, "self-denial is the force that keeps gravity, dark matter and dark energy at bay '!

R-No! Self-denial is gravity!!!? Do you ever even liste...............okay ....you want my teeth as well as its fillings for the wind-up?

P- talking about dentistry...what is that guy doing with that guys' ....ow, he's withdrawing that guys teeth, an extraction not an implant...wait ..look at his competitor?

R-I need my glasses to not see what is happening here

R-Now, you've been wined and dined here as a privilege to watch a surgical operation pas excellence!

P-The sheer bad or good luck here, on such a balance on an evolutionary tight-rope... I mean what sociopathy!!

R- Really?

P- Why take the risk? Why even contemplate damaging your health, especially if you sniff it? Knowing that someone will take your vitals isn't something that you'd ever think you'd leave to chance?

R- It's a chance to be a winner or a loser!! Plus, most of the audience have knowingly signed up for it...

P-.......but some haven't?

R- .........but all are intrigued by the money! I mean they could make millions, even billions on the

P- What?

R- the dark web!

P- As an advert?

R- what if it's the only site available on the dark web for however long the operation is!!!

P- So your nearest and dearest want the surgery to last longer.... which means multiple operations in one .......and your partner would stitch you up deliberately, just for the dosh and the divorce?

R-'Stitch you up? There are surgeons who will want a share of the dineros too? Are you sure you want to use accidental word play here?

P-Well how else will they make their alpine chalet pay for itself? And yes, it wasn't accidental.... just like that poor bloke’s wife wasn't using her setting up her husband by accident.

R- Isn't that the one who has transitioned into being a bloke?

P-the plot thickens, especially as 'his' wife was the one who got 'him' to transition to being a bloke in the first place!

R- As for the billionaires? Those guys are into swallowing all your millions at one go! They love nothing more than to destroy someone and swallow them whole. Public defenestration is very de rigeur against Johnny come latelies!

P-Debt is an unforgiving monster but not as extreme as profit! Does anyone know about this?

R- when people are asleep those who aren't can do what they like!

P-.........................................................................................but who would want to chase these evil shadows?!

R- Millionaires and billionaires! For them they want to get rid of the competition, as well as the threats!!

P- "I'm just happy to have made it through luncheon!"

R- You don't have a shadow, Painter.

P-Blame and excuses are diplomatically avoided by those who enjoy fear as well as the fear of others!

R- fear is a wonderful transgressor, and such an assistance for any escalation!

P-Let the nuke deterrent win the day ......

R- well Painter, deterrents don't work!

P- what are you saying to me?

R- AI will do a marvellous job whilst we have our bunkers.... and I mean, I have chosen you to survive Painter.

P- I'm not sure I'd want to

R- We'll have a ball!

P- And AI?

R- Party poopers!

P- Psychiatric wards are full of them.

R- you mean the medical profession?

P-I mean who is going to do social media if not us?

R- that's just a way to contact other survivors, and they've just tested it on the global economy over the last 70 years to see if it'll work. But people don't realise that they'll be just giving their own position up for us to bomb!

P-GPS is a rigged system for mass murder?

R- SURPRISE!!!

P- And is AI okay about it?

R- It was their idea.... but then AI has major mental health issues about the apocalypse!

P- as you do

R- As you do! But at least we won't annihilate AI......just....lobotomise it!

P- You are going to do what?

R- Ow! damn! That's got to hurt! Isn't that his liver?

P- Liked the change of subject matter, and the one-way conversation, but I think this is one of your dystopian fantasies Ran??

R- Of course I could just blow this theatre up and us with it?

P- Those green shield stamps are some sort of dynamite?

R- No! You are!

pause

P- You what?

R- If I tire of you, I can always just press the button!

P- P- Where is it Ran?

R- Don't panic just yet.... No I'd be more worried that I am a walking pandemic with my own immunity, and so are you immune!

P- Shooosh! That guy isn't aware that he's had something taken out of him! Will he die?

R- Well, we 'll all have to vote on it soon.

P-Look how people enjoy this bloody mess, some are actually taking notes!!

R-Isn't that the professor from MIT?

P- He doesn't look well!

R- This is 3rd operation in the last 6months! He's trying to beat the record.

P- Which is?

R- 7 operations until the end of the mortal coil strangled the SAS soldier!

P-Seven operations? Did anyone tell him that it wasn't an order?

R- Poor bastard thought he was on manoeuvres ......(she cackles)

P- How to cash-in!

R- Don't worry, Berkely is attempting its own competitor next.

P- Next?

R- Apparently, he's some sabler rattler, thinks she can bring Berkeley some glory, and some much needed funding?

P- That's how they really get funding these days?

R- Mr MIT had a number of competitors killed on the slab, so it's revenge!

P-And?

R- The dark web is only viewed by a select few, it's a revenue stream because, apart from those elite few, no one else can view it

P- Drumming up a huge windfall because almost everybody can't view it?

R- It's speculative and highly select.... it's a rumour or a legend!! The very best of Adverts that no one else can see.

P- Surely the dark web is not all that exclusive?

R- there's the dark web and there's the dark web!

R- Wait till you see a heart removed!!?!!

P- I don't think so! What do they do if someone rats on what's going on here?

R- No one has dared! Carnage like this is exclusive and there are many ways to kill all your family. Don't worry, I've already spoken up for you!

P- Truth and power

R- Free speech is never an expense that anyone can afford. revenge, however, is plentiful and glorious!

P-I'll be the next on a chopping block if I tell the world.

R- I've already vouched for you, and thus you'll be received into the nuke bunker when it's time to duck! Besides most of those on the slab there are political dissidents...

P- Don't be daft! "Here they torture and burn by character assassinations not political versions!"

R- Just bit players here! Don't forgive the pun when it is used inadvertently!

P- Humanity is expensive, experience is paid for by those on a separate waiting list!

R- there you go! Didn't I tell you he was good?

Suddenly the whole of the amp-theatre turned to Painter and clapped and cheered!

P- This was a loyalty test? All this mayhem was for a test /

R- No, it was a way to illuminate what all these fine people who will all be in that bunker with us!!!!

But life, and death must move on....do continue Doctors!