Wait for it


Stephen Hornsby-Smith

S- Is this vehicle totally automated ? Is it a cross between a hover-craft and a beach buggy?

R- Too many questions ! Hands off the wheel too !

S- My eyes are strictly on the prize !

R- Download that scenery ! Wow !

S- What's with all the secrecy ?

R- Carnage is on the road tonight ! Don't forget your green cross code when you have a load !

S- Nature maybe a vamp but the road is a tramp !

R- May the hole in one be with you !

S- Still working with the jab are you ?

R- Left side of the brain,left-footed but never a south-paw !

S- how unorthodox are you ?

R- here lies the hallowed ground of Kryptanite !

S- My favorite is always Mr Nemesis and then Ms Amnesia !

R- you know your superpowers kid !

S- Don't patronize m...is that a tree ? Look that's another one !

R- A small world linked by forestry potential !

S- You have what you have in this world..

R-................................................ Shouldn't that be...

S- ..........................................................No that would be wrong !

R- So, cheese or sauce ?

S- Now nature is on lock-down !

R- Clink ??

R- Doesn't anyone want to be in servitude today? Where's the romance ?

S- It's hard to find a genuine criminal these days and then all of a sudden two come at once !!?

R- ...............yet still servitude gets bad reviews ?

S- I mean, where is the corrupt politician in prison these days ???!!!Westminster is full of them, so why can't prison just.......borrow one !?

R- If you don't use it you'll lose it !

S- Even the biggest mysogynist Mr James Bond is played by.....Daniel Craig ?

R- Bigotry is slipping...or making someone slip...

S- People are walking away from cute derision and embracing understanding ?! How does that work ?

R- You have to clone oneself just to have some fun these days

S- You're right ! One of you causes mayhem and the other one of you has an alibi !

R- God made Adam and Eve and Eve's and Adam's !

S- Why not ? If you're going to run, run away from a life of crime and never run away from love !

R- You've never run from love ?

S-Mad bad, strung along, suckered-in, set-up lied to...told the truth to..

R- Rule number one, Painter... run for the hills if love is on the cards..

S- She only beat me to it didn't she ?

R- You've blamed you all this time?

S-................ well 3 weeks now 

R- Three weeks can turn your life upside down !

S- And it was a 3 week relationship !

R- Did you walk straight into it ?

S- I need some impartial advice that's for sure. Do I have to wear black ties anymore ?

R- Ancient history ! Three weeks is grounds for...

S-........................................................I know right !

R- You don't need a hug or anything weird like that ?

S- It was three weeks ago Randall , not 5 weeks ago !

R- I'm still finding your 'feelings' an uncomfortable experience here

S- Let me help you over the line :Does Labour go from Red to Green to make Gordon Brown ?

R- Poor old Goldie Brown, an unwinnable leader with a Sheldon Cooper forced smile ! He was like a night in Colditz !

S- He did not deserve to be in front line politics, he deserved something more ! Instead he became the Brown Pulp without Bruce Banners winning smile.

R- You sure are doing some research on smiling aren't you?

S- That would be me ! Didn't your parents do some research on each other as part of their relationship agreement ?

R- They took turns to screw each others patients up !

S- They were both psychiatric... Doctors ?

R- And Patients !

S- That would explain a lot !

R- Not like that you dimwit ! They both pretended to be ill to experiment on each others Doctors assigned to each other.

S- How romantic !?

R- Of course mum won !

S- How?

R- Hard to tell?! But he started his concrete business in the Soviet Union and she ran Europe and the UN.

S- So, both ended up in comedy then ?

R- Stand-up comedy was their default position !

S- How so ?

R- They'd tell exactly the same jokes and see what would happen. They were quite democratic about it ! He looked after the kids, she looked after the people who got in their way !

S- Did you enjoy prison life ?

R- In the early years, it was a blast ! It was also a neutral zone for the politicians to meet, and I met them all !

S- Be careful Randall, no politics !

S- A no go zone ! Oh my God here we go !

R- There are only two candidates for the Labour leadership..

S-.............................................................................stop !

R- Both will either get Boris elected or Labour losing more ground ! Thornberry has style and panache and will not take a step back, and Starmmer is more than a safe pair of hands ! Thornberryis a star rising disproportionate to her electoral appeal and will also play into the hands of Boris if she gets riled by him ! Let me paint a scenario ..

S-.......................................................................................do you have to ?

R- That would be yes ! She'll evetually be provoked into a feminist approach and Boris will lay 'joke minefields' and let her drive Labour into electoral division. It's worse than the 1980s all over again , but a perfect storm of Labour being moderate without the Benn's and Scargill's etc to scare voters.

S- So If Emily, she has more than as urname, wins she'll have to go into bat without any gloves or cricket pads to defend herself ? And yet you want her to lose big time? Even as a fellow woman ?

R- Don't go nuts for the independent woman will you !! Ok, she's got brains,guts and character but what does that mean in politics? Diddly squat ! And Don't get me started on Keir Starmmer!

S- I'll try my best not to !

R- Too solid a performer, too strong a politician ! Remember people in this country have been brought up on a political diet of spinelessness and corruption ! Everything that helped people along...well it did for my parents !

S- I'm not going to lead you on here !

R- I'm a woman who is interested in political change ! Got a problem with that ??

S- Aren't we both constructs of a male mind by the author of this ? 

R- Humble I am but forward looking I'm more ! I believe that...

S- Randall! Don't do manifestos ! Your mother will stop your....

R-.............................................................................What ? Allowance ?

Just look at the faces of the Boris government and go compare with Labby? Boris the man of deed done had a firm grip as Mayor of London and Labour are still deciding whether throw out itself from the Labour party or hope for the discovery of time travel. Theoretical dis persuasion doesn't cut it for me !

S- But 'Boris the reformer' , I mean really??

R- Better than 'Boris the Charismatic ! ??? 

S- Are we looking at at least 10 years of Boris ?

R- That has to be rhetorical ! He's a throw forward not a throw back !

S- How about the 'Blond bomber'!?

R- Now you're irritating me ! 

S- "Hello barbie let's go party!", that's irritating!!!!

R- When did you get the initiative over this ?!

S- I really bleed for you !

R- Well, bleed-out !

S- And that Ladies and Gentlemen is how bone fide social science degenerates !

R- Don't rush to judgement before all the arguments are in !

S- Now its time to take 1990s lingo out of the equation !

R- Bingo !

S- Re-ling ouish now !

R- Nice talking sugar sweets!

S- do you have a back-up plan ?

R- I find reductio ad absurdum works !

S- Shouldn't your Brexit eliminate Latin from the English Lexican ?

R- Well, it's a dead language so..... no one will notice if we..

S- Twice the rhyme twice the time !

R- You sound like a barrista !

S- So why are Barrista's so litigious ?

R- That's the job ! Mine is the time !

S- Sociopathology! We're well stocked-up in craziness !

R- I just had a bad night that's all !

S- Just a side order for me !

R- Honey you bored the kids !

S- Always with the shrink wunderkind !!

R- I know before I know it !

S- You're a scary lady !

R- I don't do 'Miss Lady' for anyone !

S-...and yet ?

R- Show or share oneself !

S- Ease back on the specifics Randall when you're trying to be obscure !

R- 'Rude the obscure' could work !

S- Hardly troubling the depth charges is it?

R- I like the film 'Submarine', "You're only supposed to blow up the bloody doors !" would not work in this example.

S- You think ?! When did your all seeing mind reach those intellectual giddy heights ?

R- Sorry ! Did I miss the sequel ?

S- How else did Fast and Furious' run down an actor? We need faster and further....

R- Very much like the Liberal Democrats !

S- At last a piece of analysis I agree with !

R- Now I can explore the Universe ?

S- I'm just pleased to have made it through luncheon ! 

© 2020 Stephen Hornsby-Smith

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