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Rock, paper, scissors...

Stephen Hornsby-Smith

S- Reggie, the cat-burglar who steals cats and leaves behind Jack Russells

R- Mel, who leaves empty suit cases and steels nothing!

S- He actually doesn't take anything away, but exactly the opposite?

R- She leaves etc.....

S- Too much for you to finish your sentences?

R- No, just saving time and not robbing you blind!

S- Rippy, who delivers parcels, especially birthday parcels ,exactly one year late!

R- Mick, who bathes in his surf gear at any Englishman's castle!

S- Why would he...

R- Tailing off are we...?

S- Hennie from South Africa, who flies gliders who always drops crisp packets from above

R- Opened or closed ,half empty or finished?

S- Johma, who fills -up random cars with petrol whilst their owners are fast asleep.

R- Hang-on, what if it's a diesel?

S- He doesn't discriminate

R- So some poor sod wakes-up to find his car doesn't work the next morning

S- Or has more fuel than he paid for?

R- The same risk factor - may the odds always be in your favour!

S- Davie..

R- Wait! My turn! Carey, who leaves behind more cash equivalent than the stuff she steals!

S- What is the point in that?

R- She loses and someone at random gains.

S- Isn't life a lottery!

R- Nat, who..

S- I'm on here..

R- Sit and swivel eat and dribble! Nat, who builds small brick walls on unsuspecting owners' driveways - "You snooze you lose!"

S- Gail, who leaves casseroles in peoples fridges and steals nothing!

R- Bill, who steals books and replaces them with 'pulp addiction'!

S- What is ...OK chic lit right?

R- To the contrary, she has a thing about Jane Austin !

S- But everybody likes Jane Austin!?

R- That's her point! Some people don't 'deserve to read Jane Austin!

S- So she leaves Jane Austin behind?

R- Of course not! Just Victorian shit!!

S- I see - you mean Charles Dickens!

R- ...

S- No! My turn! Multi-billionaire Susan, who pays other people's taxes!

R- No! That's the Conservatives who end-up paying the hoi poloi's taxes!

S- Here's a conundrum: Should people ever vote Labour when they find some excuse to pay more taxes!

R- Should the Labour be entitled to not pay taxes as well?

S- No! That's water under the bridge! They should pay taxes like everybody else!

R- Doesn't the welfare state depend on full-employment?

S- Now we're talking! The more unemployed there are the less likely they should be entitled to benefits?

R- Here's what I've got! We should sell our 'Art Kitchen silver' at a reduced rate(basically well bellow the value of it) to another arm of the cultural State, who can then brag and boast like a peacock just to arouse billionaire interest in the Art market..

S-....................................................I know where this is heading!

R- OK? Then we buy it back at a further reduction in price and value, only for the exclusive private market to invest and pay way over the odds for the Painting but collect its new status as a piece of Concept Art !

' Conceptual Art' of 'rip-off ' that has been made good by funny money of a billionaire who just wants it all and is prepared to now approve of an ancient original work based upon its transaction value in the 21st century of 'devious and greedy manipulation of the Art Market'in the 21st century! There is more: Get this: Painting is no longer just a piece of canvas, it becomes the new currency of the Art world that has tripled its value in conceptual Art as well as exhuming the much maligned discarded medium of 21st century Art ! And who rewards entrepreneurialism but an ex Communist member of the politburo now turned into a Russian oligarch who is prepared to pay well over the odds for the irony of it!

S- Finally I see now...Russian oligarchs could save the day of the British welfare bill by subsidizing it by Art speculation!...Now, don't take this the wrong way Randall, you sure this hasn't been done just a little bit before? Don't get me wrong, but WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THEY'VE BEEN DOING ALREADY!!!

R- And that's what I'm talking about! One nil! Do I get prizes for making you look stupid?

S- Never underestimate the power of stupidity! YES! THAT'S WHAT IT IS! WHO HAS BEEN TAKEN IN NOW SUCKER!

R- Real big letters there stevie weavie! I suppose its a score draw then?

S- No way! I'm going to enjoy this for the rest of my days! 'You have been on candid camera Randall babie!'

R- Don't get cocky kid!

S- I could take you on as one of my crew! I won't pay you much, but Chewey kind of likes you!

R- Wait till my mother hears about this! .........For a second stevie babie, for a second!

S- ......................Now chewey really doesn't like you!

R- Welcome to my team flatliner!!!

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