Blessed

It was almost as though he couldn't' quite recall what this one word could be that felt like a pulse that was getting nearer and now right next to him, but he only truly got curious when the pulse started becoming more distant. He smiled mischievously to himself: why don't I build a false narrative even a form of reference to the only two people of note that he'd seen in a while. This was his theoretical exercise of the day, so if they had used trigger words or references to smells, sounds things he'd touch etc yeah he thought ,'let's run with it!?! No one likes over cautious people, let's watch fantasy when it begins to be delusion and when paranoia starts! Then let's talk about 'my rendezvous' with the older sister of whom 'I drive her crazy'!! He suddenly felt a rush of anger and a need for revenge to blame her for something, but he didn't know what and his mood was without any violent feeling to it;...and then he was dragged through the snow once more , and given another beating ! Wait, he was beating them ? They were pleading with him....and then he felt dumped on the bed. What an anti-climax !! He knows the answer to a question that he can't form yet, but refuses to acknowledge it. Was he feeling overlooked, watched or forgotten , and wary of his giving vent to a thought by an expression in public...even though he was on his own? Is it his forte to interpret it? Hell yeah ! He felt that he loved this stiff ! It's not the why, or how he's trying to suppress something... it is with whom he's.... he remembers when he began to block-out noise and voices when he was a child, when his parents were on fire screaming at him to get out of the house, and then he woke up and two charred bodies on top of a khaki blanket that had protected him from dying (as they had) in the fire! He'd struggled to comprehend that memory as to why he didn't escape until he found the key to it

He found this free of agony or trauma, and actually horrified himself when he felt pleasure at the consequences of the fire or the meaning of it. The trigger word was , it had made him a 'professional' ! I know he said to himself !!?? Again he knew why that trigger word was so meaningful to him, but he was going to save the pleasure of opening that issue for another day. But he thought he'd pull on a tangential thread whilst he was at it. He had figured it out! It was the struggle to confront that he liked, not the emotional weight that got in his way. But what if there was one trigger word that hid another trigger word that underlay it all. Or worse what if one trigger word would delete all others?

But just as he was beginning to sense cigarette smoke, he rationalised and corrected himself, and he thought 'someone's being playing with some head-toys, and he considered: What was so important to him here? he let the answer slide by and then reached out for it ! Of course ! Then he thought his mantra therefore should be a bit like his Dad's, make sure you die after everybody else has ', and he peeled off into a sly grin , yeah ! He began a rant involving Shrinks as hairdressers who will never be generals let alone warriors ! Well that means I've never probably had therapy then ! Can't wait to try it out ! 'Lead on Macduff' what was he saying ? Who was Macduff? And this positivity ? It wasn't fake, but all too 'Hail fellow well met' ..Again he gasped audibly...I don't recognise this at all ! But then he relented, and decided to mask it with platitudes that were more his style. It's not my problem but a life solution, and a minute whisp of pleasure melted in a sense of indifference, and he heard a screech of a car and a crash that followed. The driver shouted 'Bloody women drivers !!,and whilst he was in full rage with unrepentant expletives, an old Lady said 'He should have gone to Specsavers!!', but all he could think of was let's get a pint and chaser, jumped out of the back and stopped someone ..in Czech? When did he speak Czech ? He found an empty taxi and drove off with the driver , who'd missed the crash because she was asleep, remonstrating whilst trying to reorientate herself at the same time., and then he spoke to him in...... Swiss? When did he learn Swiss ? No time for that , he wanted a beer but the driver was just grateful to have her taxi back, and shouted angrily at him as she was driving off, and he retorted in Swiss. Presumably something pithy...because he suddenly couldn't remember a word of Swiss at all.

But why was he not able to concentrate without blinking? Could he be overthinking it? He doesn't do under thinking things so...here we go though, that smell of cigarettes, sweet and bitter and acrid? Hang-on, he's been repeating this, is it a dream, or was he not asleep? So if he was conscious he'd be rousing himself, but if not he'll have to think of how to wake himself....? surely he should know how..? to resurrect himself and after he was...a.. prof....ffffffer, no profess.. that's right, he was a professing of the... no, professional, and immediately he woke up tethered to his hospital bed and... what's that alarm?, and what's that red pulsing light below the windows, and why is this man in white peering into my eyes? He's dripping with sweat

-How the hell did that happen? came another shout and a gunshot and the white coated Doctor flopped on to the floor... or was it him who'd been shot? he tried desperately to find a wound, shuffling around in his bed -no! It was not him that was shot! Relief rebooted his body, and two orderlies were dragging 'Bad Doctor choke on it', seeping blood and smearing the floor. The thought that he himself might have killed him began to dissipate because then a lot of shouting and screaming and most of all swear words that seemed speared at the two orderlies!

-That dickhead woke the fucker up didn't he? He was trying to ruin my experiment even at this late stage! .. and you idiots went and shot him dead??? we'll never find out what he did now 'Sherlock!' I pay you to do a simple job, and you go and fuck it all up with a gun! All you have to do is supervise the wards of 'Watch with mother' and instead you even balls that up!!!

-She whispers to herself. If he couldn't have woken him up what did he not do to wake him up?

That dickhead was a brainless wanker so...someone has woken himself up and has eaten all the porridge! You woke yourself up?? How?

-he fixed his gaze at her and spluttered and pointed at the drip feed, trying to generate a distraction whilst he figured himself out, but she beat him to it! Why? Because she was nothing but ambitious and not all that self -deprecatory to avoid taking the credit whenever the opportunity arrived.

-You've been waking yourself up haven't you precious? It wasn't the drip, Well FUCK ME SIDEWAYS !! she yelled  FUCKING EUREKA!

-And the doctor who we shot? 

- A meddler, who is just part of the experiment and collateral damage and deserved all that was coming his way for either being a saboteur, or crap at telling jokes ! A witless mediocrity who deserved euthanasia ...we did him a favour!

-It was suicide!

-Shut up right now before I give you a brain!

-I must have upgraded something in patient 2, or I planned it, without writing it up!

-Yes ! That's right ma'am! We all saw how you intervened!

-It isn't a miracle but a well introduced method!

-No one could have created such an accidental...sorry, a positive insight, you engaged the subject with an open-ended  delivery system!

 -How does it feel patient 2? How but through me could you have fallen onto my upgrade that my diagnosis tried to hide so well?

-Do you need or want my opinion?

-Fuck off patient 2, and 'Professionals' should be left to their own skill set and not encroach on my work!

Instantly he finds himself in a coma!

-If he wakes up again, punch his lights out, and don't kill him 'trigger'!

-What about his stitches and bandages?

-I think we're beyond that  simple identity and facial transplant! I've created scientific history! I'll never conference or get a well deserved Nobel prize- and every one will know that I've made history! What a privilege, what an accolade!?! 

-We have to understand the consequences of such a breakthrough! : I've got this patient 2 to self-automate and all the 'laws of hypnosis' can go fuck itself as yesterdays science!

-Let me test my hypothesis? Watch: 'Professionals' and immediately patient 2 awakes, and 'Go fuck off professionals' and then patient 2 falls back into a coma!

- And what did we do with the dickheads' body ma'am?

-Feed him to the pregnant women! I'm on a roll! Let's see if it rejects it or advances it?!

Then the cigarette smell, and we are aware of patient 2 is not incarcerated in a coma, but his thoughts are more focussed and more intelligent than he's ever felt before! 

He says to himself, I wonder if I can get someone else shot? I'm in control now butches and bitches! I'm going to watch what you do and how people grovel around you and I'll find your weaknesses and exploit it! I look forward to blackmail and bribery, you won't!!

Subliminally, I'll plot when I'm induced into a coma as a disguise of an upgrade! I'll hypnotise you when I'm supposedly unconscious. This is a quantum leap but this is just the beginning! Forget sleep deprivation, how about awake deprivation? 'Sleep ' makes you work on a superior level without the human constructs of a suburban filter and augmented, but when you awake, you lose over 50 % of your potential IQ!

-Spike IQ will be excited by not just getting Lydia out of the FSB hands, not just his IQ liberation wasn't just a freak thing, but a new weapon which could be collectively synergized by a number of such individuals, whilst the world sleeps! This Empire will always sleep but never will there be a final dusk or dawn.  There's more, what if this extends or provides life for eternity whilst key individuals tap into a new order of life!?! No need for avatars under the use of USB memory sticks, and a new stage of human development, a transfer of life where people are valued not by their financial potential but by their contribution towards a new 'dictatorship' by the new intelligentsia? Under this medical intervention, people who may seem ordinary may respond better to this treatment than the brightest competitor who may be immune from its benefits!!??

Now tactics !I'll erratically wake up, to distract the team, so I can begin to work on all of you medics, and then I'll work on you working against each other ! I'll claim it's the drip to freak her out! Go big or go home, if you've got it why not flaunt it? hang-on...this is not me... I'm not a egotistical narcissist, or a psycho, so why the anger, why so belligerent, and why so different??? Oh God ! I've been re-wired!! If you can't beat them, torment them???? What the fuck is that all about? Could I collaborate with them? No!! She'll claim it was her discovery and I can't allow her to take the credit for my  break through ! I've no choice but to expose her fraudulence??

-But what if I update all her data? I could live like a King or a gangster!! I can even see through my eyelids when I'm meant to be in a coma! Science is for the few and not the many ! CAN YOU HEAR YOURSELF PATIENT 2????:Time  isn't on my side, but I may have to anticipate in order to re-wire myself back, or I'll have to not expand or at any time give expression to what I'm now capable of! Self-lobotomization? Hey, my mother did it when she married my father! In fact, how many women have I met who have had to do that just to connect with their men? But I'm missing the point here!! Am I?