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The dentist


- Is he the dentist?

- Everyone here are dentists.

- He works here?

- What was your first clue?

- I thought he had assistants who work for him? I thought that he had a huge team?

- He takes people and teeth out as his calling card and his cover story.

- So, he could be in disguise as blue collar, white colour or wearing a T-shirt worth £ 500?

- Boring is the new anonymous? Hidden in plain sight?

- I don't see it! His skill set is.... what? You want me to keep me hanging here?

- His cross pollination is?

- Fillings and cleaning! simple transferable skill set! Keep up Painter! You're slowing me down here!

- Why all the nerves today, Randall?

- I'm anxious to be ...

- He is a regular Dentist with a sideline in international murder..... perfectly normal. Right? Who does he work for? Freelance?

- Interested? Anyone in mind?

- No one, just my own dentist! The git put too many teeth in me! Cuts down on my sociable nature!

- Give the guy a prize! Okay, seeing as you're over persistent, I'll tell you!

- I wasn't aw...

- ....................He works for the NHS! How cool is that?

- For assassins, not a lot of glamour, is it?

- But he's a rock star! Who would think of.......

- ................................................................on the NHS? Hardly Wembley is it? Besides, only those in the know would know!! If you want his services, it's like putting up a big sign outside saying "I'm an Assassin"!!

- What's rattled your sage Painter?

- My multi-millionaire Great Uncle, who survived Gangi Jail with all its highlights such as Torture, disease, starvation, sleep deprivation, exhaustion, from the Japanese in World War 2, but died in a dentist chair whilst undergoing a 'routine operation'!! No doubt it wasn't 'The 'Dentist'?

- Well, funny you should mention that but erm... Hey, he was young, talented and reckless, and your Great Uncle wasn't the target! Sorry!

- 'Sorry'? Me too and probably My Great Uncle may just have something to say about it! Oh, well, wait, he's dead so he can't share his view about it because your 'Rock star' murdered him!!!Accidental? A minor mistake is what I'm hearing from you!!?

- No, it was deliberate, it's just that he hated rich people! So well, erm your 'Tom Egan' was rich - And now you're a profiler trying to excuse murder by whim?

- Look, play nice! Don't embarrass me!

- 'Let's be friends', Wait, let's not! I'm fed up to the back teeth with your Dentist!

- You should be getting to know a few of them by now.

- Didn't we meet in the company of another Dentist?

- 'Rubble gum'?

-No, not that one

- But 'Rubble-gum' is not a dentist

- Not a Dentist? She removes genitalia and transplants 'at the Dentists!

- Now I see the confusion! You're their media woman?

- No, but there is quite a market for her work

- Insanity at your fingertips!

- Are you sure that you don't want an upgrade or downgrade?

- Naff-off Randie baby!

- I think it's a bit late for you!

- I've been trying to beat my record! Two more weeks and I'll have beaten my grandmothers record of 12 months and one week of pregnancy duration! I'll once again be giving birth 'unnaturelle'!

- Un naturelle?

I'm here to prove that I'm going to give birth to a generation of offspring all to be delivered by Dr Death Dentist delivering new life!?! How cool is that?!!

- And no midwife? No bespoke maternity support? Just a 'filling' to be removed?

- But they have the best anaesthetists here!

- I know, but so does my Great uncle!

- But it's too early despite 100 stitches and a 'teenager' desperate to say hello who I'm telling to stay where he is and not to come out until I tell him to!

- Not literally a teenager?

- Well, what do you think, Painter?!!

- Now you've got some mind-control there Randie!!

- I've told him if he doesn't get back in line then we'll have words!

- NO! No? You've been 'having conversations' with your unborn son already?

- What's your point Painter?

- Did you get pregnant just to meet 'The Dentist'?

- But it was the chance to meet the legend!?

- Look 'my teenager' is still monosyllabic, but he has a grip on quantum mechanics etc

- So, who is the father assuming you are the mother?

- I'm both!

- Give over! What, human self-engineering?

- I get to take turns to berate both! Very efficient!

- Low expectations always conquer all!

- Covers all eventualities

- I know, right?

- The only drawback is that my father promises to give me another prison as a present for not having a son in law to beat-up!

- Why is that a problem? It seems generous, philanthropic but.... yeah, you're right! All those people you get to torture for free! How very unlike you Randall!

-- But it's comforting that your father still doesn't get you! Plus, your property portfolio is hardly Knightsbridge' is it? So, yup, an unnecessary burden that you could do without 1 Or..

- .........I know! It's property laundering! But it isn't my father who has the criminal mind, it's my mother who has a flair for it!

- The 'hologram mother' or the mother of all holograms? I keep telling you, Mr Freud is running-out of material with your family! At least you don't give birth to your mother in the future, right?

- Don't be daft! Mother has an understanding with Dad In fact he's doing a stretch for her in Siberia for her crimes!

- It must work on so many levels?

- Don't get like that! You don't get to talk like that! Siberian prisons have become centres of excellence for transformation of criminals to becoming terrified victims! They have to mate with themselves, by a few changes here and there.

- How does a prison in Siberia become the home of the victim by hormone injections etc. or are you terrifying them into giving birth to their exact copy, kind of 'dolly the sheep meets terminator'?

- And where did you get that 'tech does Clockwork Orange'?

- North Korea.

- North bloody Korea?

- We gave them Mcdonalds, and they gave us a way to make rapists into terrified victims scared for their lives, constantly! If they rebel, they are impregnated with triplets instead! Then 'dolly the sheep' becomes Ivan the terrorist terrorizing his own father! Welcome to the ultimate in punitive creativity! Imagine all these tough guys scared of their own shadow...actually their offspring are immediately fast tracked in maturation, so after a year since they were born they evolve into 21 year olds!

- Your idea Randall?

- Justice is not singular but flexible!

- It's your mother!

- Well, you can't debate the issue with her, now that she's a hologram, that you also have in ingest hallucinatory drugs to get her on the phone...

- Bad reception?

- So where is her organic self? On holiday?

- This is why Gladiolli hasn't turned-up.

- Why me?

- Scrape off the sarcasm Painter! You should put that in a bag rather than let people tread on it!

- Is it something I said?

- You've never met! But she's not here means 'we'll not meet-up!

- Who is she?

- My future 9nth child. She has many responsibilities.

- ...................................................and one of them would be to convince me all that future perfect stuff!

- she's head of family planning in Europe.

- But ..she's not born yet?

- Yet he's been showing a talent for Painting I believe? Don't look so dumb founded, you've been giving him lessons for 3 years now.

- There must be some mistake!

- No. there is no mistake, in 20 years’ time.

- No, I certainly don't chin-wag with the future. WAKE UP STEPHEN!!!

- Yeah, wake-up and smell the coffee!

- So, what do I say on my 10th lesson, that no one knows except my students?

- You say 'Never draw a straight line!'

- Oh, my goodness!

- I wasn't particularly happy about it either!

- Why is he called Glad?

- It was your idea! You wanted her to be the best person she could possibly be

- What? Where? When? - the 3 double-you's.

- After you'd died of being an ignorant, selfish ..let me introduce you to a 4th double you? Know what that is?

- Not that hard, is it? Well you've been dead for 10 years now.

- Now hang-on, I may not be at my most sprightly.

- No! Painter, since you died, you've given birth to 10 children! It's the new market for reproduction - when we die, we then give birth.

-Men and women?

- Now this is where it gets a little tricky! You are a series of verbs, pronouns and you give birth to split infinitives!

- Post organic, we lose our anatomies?

-Well, I own grammar and verbiege.

- But you don't need any Siberian prisons anymore?

- That's for reality TV; the 'Hunger games without the violence?

- Which boffin got Latin or ancient Greek?

- That would be the 'Hamiltons'!

- And Glad is also?

- Glad is everywhere! She's.. our Umpire!

- Of course, how could I not guess?

-What he says we then all say!

- And what of free will?

- There's more! Does he need to know?

- Who are you talking to? Of course!

- Of course he doesn't know his numbers!

- I have numbers in another dimension?

- Not necessarily! Which one do you prefer?

- The dimension where I'm not a failed Dad, the one in which I'm not a failed grandfather, the one...

- You don't get to do self-pity! You don't deserve it!

- May I speak with who is in charge here?

- Glad has told you to..... in short.. erm well she's angry.

- I get it!

- No, you don't! That's the point, and that's the allegation! You are the glitch in so many lives!

- Alright!

- No, Tallis isn't here!

- Thomas Tallis? The Thomas Tallis?

- Well, Mozart is busy and Picasso is lazy! These are your '2 God's'...apart from Jesus of course! But I suppose...erm... Ollie Cromwell is on the switchboard. Yes, put Mickey Droy on please?

-This is like heaven!

- Actually, it is heaven, and you can normally talk to anyone! It's just that no one wants to talk to you Painter!

- Not my finest hour, well actually I messed-up my life, but at least I get to speak to Mickey Droy the legend!

- I think you'll want to sit down for a bit. Mickey did not make it this far!

- But...IT'S MICKEY DROY!!!? How about the night manager? Alright, I want my Lawyer right now!

- Let's see, who is in today? Abe Lincoln or Archbishop Desmond Tutu?

- Let me have both!

- I think you need them!

- But, unfortunately, it's 'Roll over week!' Why don't you translate something? Or do the evolution jig-saw puzzle? Spoiler alert! You can re-write evolution and make the Universe as you like it!

- Let me start with something a little more challenging: How's Jesus, the Lord Almighty?

- Go big or go home'!

- Hello? How's your Galilean? Let's start with the basics, erm ...you are not God, I am!

_ Sorry Lord, I er.. I'm quite er.. starstruck? But did you actually walk on water? That must have freaked ‘em out?

- Let me tell you a parable about the curious mind and the wrong dimension!

...and before I do, let me hear and listen to your parable?

- It's nothing

- Oh, it isn't 'nothing is it'?

- 'One day, the 'Wrong dimension' said to the 'Curious mind' would you prefer to be outside looking in or inside looking out?

- The curious mind answered with a question of his own: do you prefer a mirror or a shadow, shafts of light or shafts of shade, cold or hot?

-The wrong dimension said 'all of them at the same time'!

- The curious mind smiled knowing he could now take a step forward and the wrong dimension could now take a step back.

-And the point of the parable?

- When wisdom doesn't attract but repels common sense, it can always share the experience of why it doesn't work, and that moment of mutual reflection there can be more compelling than and ask far more profound questions and lead in trajectories that no one had considered.

-Any examples?

- The mould that led to Penicillin, evolution which relies not just on survival of the fittest but accident and random choices and erratic mutation. Then there's Stephen Hawking's life in Physics, which shows the risk of 'Eureka moments' with trip wires that set off alarm and lead to regression. But Hawking spent most of his time disproving his initial findings and wouldn't have been so successful.

if he hadn't paradoxically been so unsuccessful before!?!

- And how does this affect your life?

- At the heart of nature is an evolving cellular bonding process, which, just like my Painting can be juxtaposed or even superimposed that leads to unforeseen and bonkers spin-offs that move ideas quicker than if I hadn't 'intervened’. It’s my random and happy accident, my semi-abstract, expressive form of 21st century Surrealism that coexists with us in the world we inhabit hidden in plain sight. How? because we hide behind our gargoyles to ward off misfortune and masks to conceal our identities, to avoid facing up to our foibles, vices, and failures.

- Finished? I loved it! Should we let everyone tell their parables and stories? How about on Sundays? Sundays are a big deal for me, perhaps not for you though, right??

- I can expla........

- You have 5 different explanations, but Sundays always improve when you're there!

-How do I know? Who gave Humanity some pointers over surveillance? And don't say Edward Snowdon!

- Is that guy...Gabreal?

- Hey mate! I’m right next to you, right in front of you! I can hear exactly what you're saying! I have feelings and sartorial standards too!

- Really?

- Do you want me to forgive him before I forgive you Gabe? That's right of course it's not a race! But Stephen, don't judge Gabe who has been for so long in the field. Don't give up by shrugging your shoulders like that, instead give to those more fortunate than you are! Why?

- Reverse psychology, right?

- Maybe, but i like to ruffle a few feathers a bit, change and modify...today I'm saying don't quit on the rich, just quit vaping!

- But do you know any rich or poor people, Stephen? No. Gushing sentiment and mawkish foppery isn't my thing either, but don't you want to help out? You see, that's people's default position, they don't want to help or believe in me!! It never fails to amuse me of how strong humanity's capacity is to be in denial!!?! All that potential and imagination but you prefer false flags and failed agendas! You guys are really flawed you know!

- And I thought we were made in your image?

- The image was pixelated that day! But you know, we made do didn't we! And God loves a trier!

- Permission to speak freely Lord?

- Now I'm the 'military'? Just teasing...never forgave those that nuked 'Saturn', but I guess that was a political decision.

- We nuked Saturn?

-Of course we didn't! Lay about Lucifer did!

- When?

- A few millennia before the Earth was formed.

- Like Conceptual Art and technology today, it's on a loop of networking ideas and words and not ..

-feelings.

- So?

- Well, 'turds for words' doesn't make the very best the Artist can be!

- The 'best a person can be'? Humanity is both ruthlessly contemptuous and yet snobbish at the same time '?' Sure!

- Well I miss civil servant neutrality, I miss conservation of temperance and dignity, and not letting people slip through the safety of the community too!

- 'Like a 4th day of a cricket test that no one can win with each side scoring 700 runs and they haven't even started the second innings! Why? It's the craic, the splendour of the sport and the family of cricket, the wilting of legends, the flowing of beer, and the emergence of new stars all of whom do battle for England to thrive or die! ' It's the sheer pleasure of technique and audacity...

- i know

- But instead we get burn-out of politicians who plough-up metaphorical meadows to put ugly flats there. Such sublimated aggression, such pain for revenge all the humiliations, the deference they've had to show just to slide-up the greasy 'poll'. How can you police that? How can you provide solace for those nearly men and wimin.? Thank goodness we have the ultimate sport, the crucible of summer sport that both men and wimin play! Imagine if you were before your time? How do you reconcile that? No good taking a machete to apolitical jungle that grows back every time you hack at it! What a waste of a life! It's almost a crime!

- But you are part of a 3 generation of politico's, your own dynasty.

_ That's when Cricket kicks in! The Umpire adjudicates and we can all get involved It's quite a leveller and a reconciler. The word concilia-.. tory shares with two batsmen at the crease forming a 'partnership'!

- Not much of a stretch then? The pinnacle of cricket is when batmen get to a ....

- Century

- And to bat on and not have to ...

-Follow on?

- And bring new interest into the game, by spreading it's....

- innings?

- And we have a winner! Don't miss it with cricket!'

- Surely unlike most politics, the best is a Test fest in an English summer where familiar struggles are put aside, and the nation joins together to break the hearts of all who dare take us on!



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