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Is this seat taken?

Stephen Hornsby-Smith

S- This seat is taken G- Yes it is but she'll be late taking it S- And who.. G- Grissley S- G- Not mother of Griselda Pollock! S- Earth mother or just a political relative? G- Oh Goodness! How much fun you must have on your own! S- I.. G-...Try not to think about it? Yup, quickness is no substitute for thickness Mr Stephen Painter S- Grissley? She calls me Painter! G- Why isn't she here S- I was wondering? G- Strike a light and dark the shark Mr Stephen! S- There is the .. G- .....question of what she's doing? She's busy! S- ......Aha! She's.. busy! Well at least I can thank her for sending you so quickly! G- Well Mr Stephen! How long she's been busy is the next false start! S- Thank you for asking and answering my question! G- You're cross when you've lost! We really don't like each other! How very refreshing! Common ground is always sound! S- No doubt Randall is either doing her duty or her thing! Just like you no doubt! G- Oh not that! Nobs are people she doesn't like and bits of men she also doesn't like! S- Uncle Vanya back in town? G- Unc the punk is a dangerous man Mr Stephen, but he doesn't flunk on his promises! S- Look Grissles Randall and I have an attention deficit disorder that makes things like Unc the Junk pass us by! G- You forgot the comma! S- What comma? G- Grammar! S- Grammar addiction is often a substitute for ideology! Who are those who have to break with the past so much as to make enough ideology to pay the bills? Which are you? G- Aren't you so petty cash! But to answer your question: I am a witch and very proud of it! S- Nice ! G- Just never had the right stage. But maybe I can help? I'm a producer of B movies that sink beneath the conscious mind so much that no one notices what they actually are getting at? S- You're another failed actress! G- I'm rich beyond measure! My movies are huge flops, facetious pretentious and fail dismally! Most of them never reach cinema's! S- I'm sure that blood sweat and tears Directors feel awful about that! G- Absolutely! S- Sorry! But where's Randall? G-Normally she's 20 minutes or so! S- Why back losers and make squillions? I mean the hell do you do it? G- Hollywood,Bollywood and Robin hood are full of actors and their entourage turning into Sheriffs of Nottingham! I prefer my own circus of box office strangled in-utero or tortured by the critics! Failure id big business! Failure pays more than the bills it does make people lost to the syphilis of churn the barrel of movieland into aesthetes and producers. It gives them what they have lost to fame and success! S-What bullshit! G- Yes exactly, and it pays them back in kudos tenfold. People invest in stupidity, and stupidity pays big time! S-But does the smart kid get to make his/her own epoch changing intelligent movie? G- I'm paid to overlook intelligent movie scripts and mediocritise independents and their brand! Too smart, too strong, too much is too bloody obvious! S- You are a hacker into creativity and their makers! G- You don't appreciate good subversion when you see it! S- And bad subversion? G- Let's make some money time! S- do you ever look in the mirror.. G- ... and black mirror! S-I try not to look in the mirror too often.. G - ...I really can't see why? S-Look after number one right? G- No! I look after all! S- She's got it! By Jove she's got it! G- We really have nothing in common but Randall! How wonderful! S- Smucks and putz are running Spectre! G-.......Don't mention Spectre again ! Do you understand! S- Was it too painful to have a very well received and box office success?! ..It really exists! I was ordered to destroy the James Bond franchise by getting a Eastern looking blonde actor to screw it up! Daniel Craig was meant to be a shoe-in for crapster! He almost ruined us all! S- Well ain't that poetic justice! No actually I couldn't give a damn! He'll be run down after his flirtation with Bond, like Pierce and Sean! G-Well, it's just not cricket! S- Now don't knock one of my religions! G-How many do you have at the moment? S- Apart from cricket there's aperitifs, noddles, training shoes, crap flags, Mozart when he came to Hollywood and sunrises! G-Why sunrises? S- Why do you think? G- Of course! You're never up early enough to see any of them! S- Bingo and flamingo! G- I prefer the Luc Besson's idea of 'Lucy' S- 'Lucy' is one of my favourite religions! G- Miss Scarlet Johanson is very self-conscious about her walk! S- That wasn't you was it? G- Yup! that was me! Got Travolta to be fixated with his hair too. But one of my favourites was Marilyn Monroe's off set relationship with an actress(she thought he must have been a 6ft 4in surfer) that she never met! I'm proud to say that kept her going fro another 15 years before the S- Too tough for Grissley the stuff of rock!?? G- We all miss her so!! S-Scarlet? G_ Oh yes! Scarlet backed one of my most recent films S- Shut up! G-Shut on! We made a beautiful film together! Lost loads of dollars and rubles! S- I suppose the Eastern Europeans made a steal! G- We have a money-pit working round the clock in all time zones! S- You had nothing to do with the credit crunch did you! You weren't ..excessive ? G- Mr Stephen Painter, I do declare! You don't ask a lady such questions! S- You went too far didn't you! G- At the right time we'll divulge that little surprise! And the world thought it was the sub-prime market going bust! S- There are probably a lot of people who hate your guts right now! G- Oh don't worry! We're considered superstars in the business! just too good at our job! I mean how can you be singled out for being too good at your job! The world has gone mad! S- There's money to be made! G- Well that's very kind of you to say so! S -So what's your next venture...and don't say Capitalism! G- A cowboy film that runs backwards! S- Shut up! G- London calling is it? S- Calling? G- Only Londoners believe that the indelicate reference to speak when your spoken to can become an attempt to encourage people to expand on what they are saying! S- Mental! G- And only now does he see my point! You Paint and don't make any money,and I produce money losing films - who doesn't get it?! S- I'm stuck and your moving on! G- Don't make me the villain here! I am one of the good guys Painter! S- You're truly patriotic and a traditional Republican! G- If the price is right why not use the mic? S- Do you wreak havoc on behalf of Royalty and Presidents? G- You're making me out to be a sleazeball! S- I'm just worried that the British will one day wake up to a new Empire run by our monarchy that subcontracts its business to the Russian Mafia? G- Your point being? S- Does the Russian mafia run our Royal family? G- That is even beyond my brief! But I can confirm that India, Pakistan and Iran are being 'floated' by our monarchy to be rented - out tomorrow! S- Paramount going to make a movie about it? G- That's my painter! S- So B-movies are now a front for the British monarchy, to... G- It's such a tiresome word! S- .....extend their empire way beyond the Victorian Empire tomorrow! G- The Soviets did it so why shouldn't we? S- The Soviet Union isn't a very good role model is it! G- They were so pleased when we broke the Cold War up and destroyed their economy! It brings comfort to us all that their are still people wanting to augment their influence for good! S- Which film brought the Soviet Union down Grissley? G- The sound of music! S- But that made money, got Oscars got the attention of the whole stage? G- If your share price goes up, it must be the most beautiful perfect object of Art to give it some gravity! S- You are a walking recession Grissley! G- How kind! All we had to include was actor tantrums, drugs brawls, illicit affairs and the normal scandal on set and offset and we lost a packet! S- You made money to lose even more of it and destroy the global economy to boot! G- We've made our mark Painter! S- Don't call me that! Only Randall can call me that! G- Here's some insight because you've been so sweet and haven't punched me yet! Bollywood will take over Hollywood in 3 years time yesterday! Do you get it? S- Who is really selling what and who is making what? G- Between you and me, Iran has been run by our Royal family for the last 10 years! Prince Charles and family wanted his two sons to have a project! S- So Iran is a project is it? G- You'll be delighted! Iran is one of the best cricketing nations of Test cricket! Yet it only plays on the quiet! Has done for almost a hundred years! S- I can see Prince Charles' influence here! But I thought the Dukes preferred polo? G- That's just another cloaking device! S- Are you just off your trolley Grissley? G- I spent 6 years in a psychiatric ward to get this job Mr Stephen! S- You've got some work to do on PR but if it makes you happy, Why not?

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