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Bells Ringing

R- At least the Catholic Church has great bells and spells !

S- Just because you like incense doesn't make you an insider heretic Randall !

R-But I want to be a heretic !

S- Let's start with this Ran, :You can't dismiss the Church because there aren't enough Altar girls!

R- Tokenism !

S- Church and altar, or both?

R- Can't I be a troubled Priest even ?

S- You don't do St Peter do you?

R- Alexander was the only Pope I recognize

S-An Englishman in the Vatican ?

R- The English always find a way

S- Wind-up escalation ? You no have no idea the hemisphere you're in !

Have you sampled the delights of Coventry?

R- I'm as religious as the next man, but Coventry isn't really me is it!

Besides 'Coventry is a place devastated by John Betjemen not the blitz !

S- You're forgetting one thing....

R...........................................I know ! i don't believe in God ! There's always something with you !

S- What do you think Catholics hold most precious?

R- Mass !

S- Why?

R- It's a sacrament

S- Now 'Holy Communion' is not 'people taking hash' as you said yesterday to me is it?

R- But that was yesterday - utterly different time zones !

S- Randall, Time moves much slower in the Catholic Church !

R- Can't I be in a neutral corner ? Or, I could be a promoter of the Church.. a bit like what Eddie Hearn did for boxing?

S- Madonna 'the great lady of the charts isn't the 'Mother of God' is she?

R- I remain undecided ! But I admit that there is some loose grouind there

S- Loose ground doesn't really cut it does it?

R- My daughter looks great on the altar... maybe that's her calling?

S- Your daughter is no'altar girl is she? At 5 she started a stolen pencil racket in primary school !

R- Nobodies perfect...except Mr goodie two shoes...................

S- You mean ....Jesus Christ ?

R- Why did he have to steal every ones thunder anyway?

S- Can you see the problem here Ran?

R- Not at all?

S- You're not even a heretic, because you're an atheist with no sense of reverence at all ! You even tried to sell astroturf to the local bishop the other day....for the Altar?

R- I thought you needed an up-grade

Besides,I trust Harrison Ford

S- What part of ex-filtration do you not understand ?

R- I'm out? Fascinating !

S- But 'Spock does Catholicism' wears off Randall?

R- I could test make-up for the Priests S- There are no women Priests Randall!

R- That's where I come in !

S- How's that working for you?

R- Hard to tell.

S- Oh, and God doesn't play Golf instead of overseeing his people.

And no, the security services are not angels using CCTV

R- No?

S- Hard to take isn't it?

R- But he knows how to putt it !

S- All 4 nothing and one for all of us !

R- That's someone doing over time

S-Look Randall! Faith is difficult enough without having to meet the needs of a very needy atheist?!

R- Let he who is without dramas cast the first alone !

S- This drama we've done so many times before Randall ! Normally you do the Vatican meets Emperor Nero routine at this juncture?!

R-I'm not asking for much, just let me be a heretic!

R- Lead me out of the wilderness of boredom !

S-I've been an angry young man, I've been a peripheral figure, I've been a lazy good for nothing, but I've never given in to peer group pressure to conform! Maybe that's what you want to pin on me, but faith is a very lonely place and a very difficult thing to trust. I doesn't care how good you are or how...

R- ...............spare me the..

S-........................................lecture ?

R- I'll put this down in my little black book! N.e v.e.r t.r.u.s.t .a. c.o.n.v.e.r.t !

S- Never trust conversion because it will cause you more pain than you can possibly imagine - but it is the right thing to do !

R- I don't even trust Nick Faldo these days !

S- Oh, by the way...normally you say never trust a smart Alec at this stage ! You say that 'youre a disciple of adaptation not "religious gimmickry?!"

R- Didn't politician's turn Jesus?...or was it the other way round?

S- Now this is crucial Randall ! No one 'turned' Jesus, he was not recruited for any scheme any format.. R- Career suicide or suicide by career?


R- I thought Catholics never forgave suicides?

S-I think most suicides don't trust their own suicide to bring things round for them!

R- But the last thing you'd need if you were suicidal is grief from the Catholic's enough for people to want to end it all!

S- Isn't that what suicides are ? They reveal the helplessness and the sense of abandonment that we all share to varying degrees

R- Didn't know you lot precipitated such an outcome !?

S- Insider trading ? Or entrapment? It's more like a terrible outcome that our faith didn't, hadn't been enough to save a lost soul ! We take that as a serious personal failure !

R- I bet you do !

S- Okay......and at this stage we move to......

R- ......................................................'And another thing'....

S- Why confuse 'another thing' with the human condition? Humans don't get to figure it all out ! So why would God want us to stop trying?

R- Because he's a sadist !

S- Life is not all pain, and not all people endure unendurable suffering !

R- So,..................

S- You think I've got it all on script? Find your own path and stop looking over my shoulder............ and if you've got any bottle left notice he helps the sick and the vulnerable and the poor more because...?

R-........................Because we are all sinners?

S- Sometimes it helps to understand the brief here! Read 'Sinners' into 'beginners' too ! We are way out of comfort zone.......and unlike you we can't take a simple cause of 'live for yourself and die like everybody else!'

R- A post-code lottery then ! Luck of the draw?

S- Why not help yourself to all the luck in the world,indulge and be grateful for luck dip or life 'shines upon you' ! But for most we just have to cling on !

R-Aside from the tawdry deep and meaningfuls, for the record, I've always preferred the Romulans !

S- For the record, no body likes having their cross on their backs either !

I'd sooner prefer pleasure than 'target on back'!

R- All that sacrifice makes Painter a boring arse hole !

S- I would add that those still out there for you are taking a hit in your random palace too!

R- Oh look at you! You poor thing ! Come to mummy!!!!

S- I can just picture how 'Christians don't swear in your world'! Why don't you work off that anger management issues in case you might break your 'individual hollinesses' perfect world of limitation where responsibility is so passe

R- And yet you haven't sworn?

S- Message understood! Right?

R- You don't deserve to have a smart God on your side!

S- Is that where you come in?

R- Tell me about it ! But then you are ever so humble or is it got to pick a pocket or two?

S- That doesn't come into it !

R- Can Jesus forgive me the heretic or does he find it easier on his conscience to forgive a villain?

S- Didn't he say go and don't sin again to all of us as whores of one thing or another? But why don't you ask him yourself?

R- By email?He probably has got lots of fan mail to work through first !

R- I suppose he's yet to reply to my letter written in 1972 to him? A hard an gruelling work load no doubt?

S- Hey! Christmas comes first?

R- I thought that faith comes first?

S- And now you're knocking my hobbies?

R- Come on! kiekegaard or Nietzche? Aren't they your mistresses on the side?

S- Creativity is my day job. Why? perhaps because of the birth of Jesus and the creation of Eden? Human acts of will have to be creative to justify and to affirm the Earth we live on

R- He's strung you along and he'll terminate the real transformers before they can get into their stride!

S- Generally, but not always, you rant about Raphael and Mozart, Jane Austin etc ...'If he's in control, how did these guys get a termination order so young?'

S- But Francis Bacon the Painter of agony died in his 80s, Pablo Picasso the distorter of women died in his 90s.... Does this MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

R- Well that's great isn't it ! Bloody marvellous ! If you are any good, you'll die prematurely!" Quite reassuring for the rest of us!".We're moronic compared with genius? Waiting for ourselves, the Caretakers Waiting for Godot who'll pass us by?

S- You're scared of dying of natural causes?

R- I presume that is rhetorical?!

R- Let's just all be creative, over 80 or 90 year sentences....

S-C'est la guerre !

R- C'est fucking manifique!' is what it is !

S- Yeah, bummer!


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