Conceptual Fart


Stephen Hornsby-Smith

R- You've done it again you fucking idiot!!

S- What the fuck did I do?

R- You've eaten my future !

S- It was only a chicke.....

R- ............................chicken !..My MOST recent purchase of Conceptual Art, that I obtained at considerable effort !

S- Haven't we done this before?

R- Don't give me 're-roll of the tape' shit Painter!

R- How could you just scoff it?? Are you brain dead? Blind ignorant ..

S- Last week it was your sock promo, the week before it was your nail filings... and this week it was a chicken -pie? What is it with you?

R- What do you want ? The wind-up version or the pig-stupid dickhead version?

S- ...How much did...

R- ..........................do I stand to lose? 3 Grand !

S- Wouldn't it have decayed?

R- That's the whole point Painter !! It's the quadrupling of the value that requires it to lose its immediate value - .... it's all about it being too decayed that it falls to bits and drops dead that people acquire status.......remember status Painter? It's where the money men invest in personal recognition by loss of Conceptual Art artefacts by decay etc that launders their income to a higher pitch. It's rites of passage ! Yet Mr Fucking H-S goes and screws it all up by consuming it !

S- You could have given me the heads-up before the it hit the stomach?

R- Come on then ! Throw it up !

S- No, I was just..

R-.......................saying that if you throw it up it might have some value to it !

S- All your friends like bulimia do they?

R- You are not in any position to negotiate ! Redeem my bank balance !

S- Can't you just sell the packaging on eBay?

R- eBay ain't Christie's Painter ! Hours away from making it and now I'm stuck with a 1990s guy !

S- Just don't stick your Conceptual Art under my nose next time !

R- Weren't you aware of the subtle aroma from only one place in the world- I mean very rare Painter !

S- I thought it smelt a bit off !

R- Tibet !! I mean bloody Tibet!!

S- Does the plant need weeding at all?

R- Only from Tibetan goats manure ?

S- You mean CA is either brown or blue?

R- I've heard the 'Shit or porn' allegation; that's from people who are just envious !

S- Art is self-harm then. To lose money elevates your stock?! Is this capitalism?

R- Self-burglary is all the rage !

S-Insurance covers it?

R- Now we're talking ! But also it proves that money can't buy you influence.

S- Well that's reassuring that self-consumption, self-punishment beyond the elegance of global liberal markets to embrace the non-materialistic religion that is too close to the Soviet experience for me, that still punches well above and well bellow the belt at the same time.

R- To lose is to give Painter !

S- I'm going to pretend that I didn't just hear that Scribbler !

R- Post capitalism is what it is --you can't succeed without it !

S- Let me try instead !

R- Go on, control the market if you can...get in side with rock,paper scissors etc......and now we know what happens to random ! It happened over a decade ago and now we know why!

R- Punk it or prance it ! Masochism is just misanthropy ! Who wants uncertainty

S- Of course ! Light or dark? The Jedi or the Sith?

R- 'Let's do the death rattle by predictability and not risk !

S- You are advocating self-destructive practices..

R- ...............................................live a little...

S-.................those who can afford it !

R- Welcome to 2 or more systems Painter !

S- Both or all 3 or 4 systems all pulling the same way at different intervals.

R- Now she has it !

S- But I don't like it ! So the average greedy stock-broker is just a pawn in the whole charade..?

R- As is the 'Concept of Money etc...sorry let me explain: Stocks are no longer quantity but built on human status !

S- Here we go ! The ultimate status symbol is serving some one else?

R- It is so fascinating to watch your brain find ways to not comprehend the self-evident !

S- Shit or porn right?

R- There is no permanency but the one that can't be controlled by human society?

S- I'm trying to keep the spirits -up, keeping the light on?

R- Just a delusion?

S- I'm allowed to take the piss right?

R- You took the pies also ! You didn't eat the pie did you?

S- Do you think I'm that stupid Randall? Dimitri ate it !

R- Fuck you D !

D- Great sized pie ma'am !

R- Alright ! Blokes anonymous have got my pie!

S- Calm down !

R- I'm more calm than Yoda, I'm Ms very, extremely under calm !

S- I've always liked an under calm sort of woman ! But you did stare at Yevgeni for a split second didn't you !

R- I have to keep all options open !

S- Including the one to eliminate ?

R- You did get unpleasant yourself too !

S- D's idea not mine !

R- Dimitri, Yevgeni, and Sergei works for me, and only for you when it involves my preservation !

S- Thanks for the heads-up !

R- I will miss you when it has to be done !

S- My thoughts entirely!

R- I also promise not to eat your brains too !

S- Much obliged ! Wait what?

R- It's a practice that has been handed down through the generations !

S- Doesn't haggis do it for you?

R- It does not taste very savoury does it ?

S- Haggis doesn't !

R- You really don't remember a thing do you !

S- Of what ?

R- Of before !

S- Let the readers decide, one way or another !

S- Bastards !

R- That was deliberate ......again !

S- Don't hang round my neck some insight or revelation when I can't remember a thing from ...before !

R- But you can remember that there was a before ?!

S- I don't actually know?

R- Shall we leave the cinema now that the film is half way through and we haven't been watching a second of it ?

S- Will it cause maximum resentment amongst the those in the cinema public ?

R- Yup !

S- Then why are we still here ?

R- Because I thought you liked French cine?

S- I know very few Brits who don't !


© 2020 Stephen Hornsby-Smith

Website by Otters Pool Studio