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Dialogue, Punch and Judy!

Updated: Feb 20, 2020

Stephen Hornsby-Smith
Stephen Hornsby-Smith

R- Loving the UFC !

S- Just don't get ourselves into trouble by mouthing-off Randall !

R- Real Punch against Judy stuff ! Of course I'll keep shtum ! But there are 5 Dimitri's for our protection just in case !

S- Are you talent spotting for mummy tonight ?

R- Always

R- What? So every ones a Leslie Winkle today !

S- She's a fictional character...

R- Based upon my cousin 'the fearsome one !'

S- ...and your cousin ...does she star in social ventriloquism too?

R- You and your social anxiety !

S- It's the 'imitation limitation game Brucie !

R- Men do need just an echo to self importance don't they !

S- Shirk the shrink is quite macho Randall

R- They should have called you lot the 'Thick lit !'

S- ..and women's...

R-........................La chic every week !

S- And why do men not get it ?

R- They are faster at not getting it...

S- And women just slow roll to nuance 'miss-understanding'!?

R- Alright here goes : Men betray women, women outwit men, but women outsmart each other but in an under-dose of friendly fire !

S-.....................................................but men have the last laugh as humans become extinct !' You've said it before,time and time again! Put together that 'Ladies and gentlemen' is the best contraception of self-destruct I've ever heard !

R- Is there a point you're trying to make here ?

S- Just watching the fight !

R-..............................just watching the fight ? No, you were manipulating and misquoting me !

S- Did I misrepresent you Ran ?

R- When don't you ?

S- When was the last time ?


S- Ok, I get it !

R- Stick to friendly fire and you will not ruin my day !

S- ..Did you see that ?!

R- See it? I've got half a pint of that tall fighter's blood on my cheek !

S- Here , there's a hanky !

R- Man and kind don't normally go together ! What do you want Painter ?

S- Find me a lake to jump in !

R- You want me to find you some geography here ?

S- Goodness, she's fighting back !


S- She's broken something ...

R- A record is what she's broken ! And there are some teeth on the floor !

S- Haven't we seen a fight night before ?

R- But today's is in London !

S- Thanks for the effortless condescension

R- My pleasure !

S- Why do we always gender talk ?

R- You know this !


R-.........go on...

S- Women ...want gender equality..but...

R-'re almost there !

S-....................................................want ..gender ....some...inequality for pay back time ?

R- That's what I'm talking about !

S- Can I be on your side now ?

R- Inequality is like evolution, it gets to be useful and intelligent when used properly !

S- Yes my Queen !

R-.......Shut up moron !

S- Yes me Lady !

R- Let's take on some beer before the next fight !

S- So ...who's paying...?

R- No! i get it free ! In Paris and Berlin I have to use the green shield's, but here in London.....

S- Egalitarian's are more competitive than ever !

R- More competitive than our opponents !

S- You've got half a pint of blood competition still on my hanky !

R- You want to see women? Well here we are !!!

S- Thanks for the spoiler alert ! I wanted to find out myself !

R- Spoiler alert !? You must be referring to the next 4 fights ?

S- Never brag about fixing fights Randall !

R- Lock it in or run with it ! There are no other winning choices left !

S- You hoover this stuff up all the time don't you ?

R-... you can call me your Queenship'. by the way !

S- If I did you'd have nothing to do with me anymore ? Right..your Queenship'?

R- Run with it does not get you out ! I have you !

S- You've fixed the fights you haven't fixed me !?

R- We both know that that's just a pipe dream !

S- Why did Don Corleone retire? You'd have had endless fun screwing him up !

R- That ship sailed long ago ! He bored me in the end !

S- You are permanently toxic ! You are a walking Chernobyl !

R- Get you to the Burns Unit ASAP?

S- You're irony and hate !

R- And you're sarcasm and irony impaired !

S- Do we still have to keep in character?

R- Of course Mr mental migrator !

S- Fixing another fight ran ?

R- Alright ! You can be the social pathological nut job now !

S- Appreciated !

R- Quite !

S- Do you know where we are right now Randall?

R- What happened to the fight ?

S- That was 7 hours ago Ran.

R- So...I didn't do it again did I?

R- stop smirking ! What the hell is this run down barn doing in my London ?

S- It's commonly known as Shakespeare's Globe theatre

R- Good to know, just not great to have a back that aches..or a handkerchief that's blood stained?!! What the fuck?! You didn't let someone pull off some ....weird shit did to me did you?

S- Relax Randall ! That wasn't , that isn't your blood ! A UFC fight split someones lip open...what ......are you remembering?

R- Oh...yeh..

S- That's my girl !

R- I'm not your girl Painter..never.... okay? Now you're telling me you're just kidding ! Smart Alec with too much Paint-on !

R and S- At this stage we should let all our customers know that the character Stephen was not wearing any cosmetic make-up at this particular juncture..

S- Or ever !

R- They get it ! You're a bit touchy on the issue Painter...over-touchy?

S- You are a double-crossing.....hate machine who will always find planet manipulation !

R- Take the next step ! I've booked you in just now with Gerrry, a 6'2 blond at mum's place or should I call it pal................ace ?

S- Now you are being spiteful ! Just Text Gerry that there has been a mix-up and He can have the night off because Randall will pay him for it !! I wish him well , but i hope he finds a better employer than Ran, his current one !

R- Are you done ? So, let's go to St Petersburg !

S- How ? Not one of your worm of time again ? And I didn't like the submarine last time either...even if it was manned ..

R-............................operated.. a female crew !

R- Over-compensation or what ?!!

S- And you weren't intrigued by an all female crew?

R- I slept with most of them on the trip !

S- So you weren't updating your diary.....when you said you wanted to be on your own in your sleeping quarters ?

R- I was....certainly dating...

S- .But you told me that it would be seen as unseemly to .... you bastard Randall! I hate you for a thousand years !

R- Competition always starts at home Painter !

S- Next time I won't hold you back, I'll let you do your long as you don't fix the competition Randall

R-And after tonight?

R- What have you learnt?

S- That Randall fixes fights and....therefore..... fixes her love interests ? Did you actually make Gerry up?

R- That would be me !

S- You used sling shots whilst using a catapult ?

R- nice ! ...Lots of ...people swear united ?!

S- Where did I miss 'miss rigged the game' ? How could I have been so gullible? Because I wanted to ! Did we ever see a UFC fight Ran?

R- Well look at you? Mr meltdown himself !

S- You still don't know what happened before you woke-up at the Globe do you?

R- Dimitri will tell me

S- perhaps he will spin you a yarn because if he told you what really happened....he'd lose his job,career and his and his families lives ! How have you ever known what happens when you black-out like that ? Are you questioning Dimitri's fealty to you or your mother? What if lies are deliberately generated to black mail you ? Now who would do a thing like that Randall?

R- You're not capable of mean stuff, and the rest can go to hell !

S- Which do you think I'm impersonating: Lock it up Larry or run with it Rick ?

R- Please yourself ! Good to know that you ,given the right circumstances.................

S- I don't do survivalism like you Ran ! I do, let me through and I won't tell your partner that you mortgaged the kids !

R- And that works ?

S- Obviously not literally ! I just plant suspicion in there heads and then they get out of my way !!

S- No blackmail but a threat of blackmail isn't the same thing !

R- What do you think about Pisa?

S- What ?.. the leaning tower of ?

R- The very one. After we burn St Petersburg how about pulling the tower over ?

S- Don't try and assess me Ran !

R- It pisses you off doesn't it ! And the knowing that you are knowing...plant the seed and grow weeds in your head !

S- Leave my head alone !

R- We all know that's abit late don't we Painter !


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