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Stephen Hornsby-Smith
Stephen Hornsby-Smith

S- Is this still about Easter ?

R- I know right?

S- You can't keep blaming your mother for missing Easter 1993 Randall?

She was busy destroying the dying embers of the Soviet Union Randall ?

R- But... she did not get me an Easter Egg !

S- Well at least you've let that one go Randall !

R- Ironic isn't it? She's forgotten but I , the victim is still being victimised by her actions ! How does that work?

S- She was at the office for one day in 19 effing 93 ! It wasn't even on Easter Sunday?!

R- But she missed..

S- ...............You weren't even born by then Randall !!!

R- Am I over reacting here? I don't think so !

S- I'm not a fan of 'over-reaction Scribbler !

R- You know that's exactly what my father said in 1994 !

S- So Mr concrete himself who buries people if they wear pink shirts isn't the over-reaction King too?

R- Hey ! This isn't the 'Gong show' !

S- Is what your father said ?

R- Winging it Painter? But you are right it is what my father said !

S- Spare me the synthetics of Oedipul and Electra won't you !

R- Don't call my parents that ?

S- Your wish is my demand !

R- At last ! Oh come on, it was funny wasn't it?

S- Do you intend me to be your patsy ? Give me a spoiler alert next time ?

R- Your face!!!

S- This is a hate crime, and I hate you Randall ! With all my heart and soul I have contempt just waiting to be parked next to you !

R- We must do this again ?

S- No we must not !

R- No you don't !

S- But yes I do !

R- Next please !

S- One second,....I'm feeling..

R- That would be the aftershocks!

S- For what ?

R- For what you don't remember !

S- Just don't fill me in like your father fills people in !

R It's time for some 13th century moonshine !

R- Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!

S- Should have seen the other guy! Woe is me my claws are frost! NO! Oil fumes Randall?

R- This is the first time you've been in this office is it Painter? Don't look so, you've puked your last

S- So this 'orifice from hell' is where all the cake-holes get fed?

R- Next door you'll find the lounge..

S- This isn't your caravan that doubles as a chopper is it Randall?

It could do with some of Uncle Vanya's brew to light the place up!

R- That would do it !

S- I'm currently running a book on your Uncle Vanya being a Priest at 2 to one on; would you fancy a flutter?

R- Silly-billy! But at least you got the betting shop and the caravan, but you did n't get that it is a tank !

S- you're killing me here Randall!

R- No, you're dying of fumes that I can instantly remedy!

S- Some mechanism ,some toy?

R- Shut your nostrils and mouth ! Short of that we have a designer brand from the mud heaps of the Somme to your front door to 'mask' ..

S-......................................................................................a clue! Give it here ! Does it do anything?

R- It reads you bed-time stories doesn't it ! No, it just keeps you from suffocating from mustard gas etc

S- So now we are the 'etc' guys right?

S- Talking of suffocating, is the noxious fumes of Siggy Betting around?

R- Sorry to alarm you but you mentioned her in one of your dreams !

S- Siggy is water under the bridge Randall !

R- Just don't give me the 'gatekeeper of your squabble with her !

S- She owes me !

R- Yes she does !

S- She robbed me and drugged me !

R- Yes she did

S- She lied about me !

R- Yes she did

S- Let's not spend too much on your English lessons here Randall?

R- But you did throw her into the Thames

S- There was water and there was Siggy

R- Sharpening up the long-winded excuses are we Painter?

S- I offered her a different tourist experience didn't I?

R- Well...that's not the whole story is it Painter?

S- I was fulsome in the way I said it

R- Just not the words you used ?

S- I might need to work on my explanation.

R- But she did shit on my coat and her dog did wee on it too...

S- You are not wrong

R- And she tried to use you to make me jealous because I wasn't interested in her any more?

S- So, You are to blame !

R- Again that's not entirely the truth is it?

S- I drowned her Green Shield stamps ! Oh God ! What am I going to do ? Help me Ran?

R- And this is your eureka moment?

S- There's only one thing to do! Give her yours !

R- No Painter! Don't worry 1

S- How the hell am I not to worry?

R- She's been reimbursed !

S- Thank you ! You won't regret it Randall !

R- Oh yes I will !


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