Galleries aren't my scene



Galleries aren't my scene - too much scenery, and not enough gallery.

- Stephen Hornsby-Smith?! A bloody double-barrel? Where did you get that from?

- My parents

- Upstairs downstairs or what!

- Shhsh! This looks like a tough crowd where they like to get ugly.

- Stephen, this is not some hetero shrivell contest! And no! Nigella does not look like Christine Keeler!

- Lawrence Dallalio doesn't look like Tyson Fury Randall!

- So why are we still here Randall?

- Apart from not liking each other so much we like each other's company, because you're a Painter.

- And..?

- Because you put your work in galleries!

- I'll ask you again,: Why would I like Art Galleries Randall?

- Because I wanted to see if you are as cantankerous as usual or as dark as you want me to believe.

- Nice.

- Obviously

- Do I appreciate torture? Only when the fat Lady doesn't sing.

- Stiletto Art?

- What with Kilts?

- Half the country is doing it!

- Now that right there is Artistic and political traffic.

- Putting out fire with gasoline

- Burning leather upholstery

- Did you know that your great grand father was a saddler?

- No! I had no idea!

- Like the leather on saddles you are not made of stone

- So..?

- Because you're saddle-sore!

- Go play with your Gucci bag

- As if I'd be into women with sloppy ideas about fashion.

- Just into women.

- Randall! Why are you attracted to women but can't stand their company, preferring to have male social contact?

- Men are too obvious, too full of themselves and rate their qualities with women. Women socially are a real flog in comparison.

- Heterosexual is your middle-name for Sundays , but you go hunting for female prey during the week! How many one night stands?

- I wouldn't expect Mr Relationship himself to remove the third degree here.

- Why is that guy wearing a kilt?Why don't you play his bag pipes?

- Doubles/ Are we playing doubles Ms Bond?

- Spare me the sporen

- Just when you were aiming so low Randall/

- Oh do get all English and the officail coyness and more than a little embarasment!

- Randall, you were born in Staines.

-still a blush and a blemish leads Stephen to flush!

- Or was that Maidenhead?

- Brush and plush was all the finishing school in Switzerland could afford. well actually it was all my mother could afford whilst doing 3 cleaning jobs at the same time.

- Class! What a fusion you are?!

- And life of 'hard knocks' led me to being a mother

- Our well healed penniless bard from chain-breaker city.

- So why are all these moronic robots from Art College wear the same expression and kit in all the galleries here in old Corkee street?

- There at one with their teacher guru boss.

- Royal flush stephen. but Zen, lets face it ain't you.

- I'm a complicated gentleman

- Of course you are Vesper.

- Why haven't you phoned home recently?

- You mean why haven't I written my quota?

- You can't find anything that's not very Matthew Arnold?

- I don't spread my literary legs for anyone!

- She's a mystery, just a mystery. A shot in the.

- Mysteriosa..

- OK. Opera beats even the great Toyah!

- So Mr stimulus, impress me!

- Coffee!

- Be more ambitious!

- Or be more calling in favours

- Wait! Calling in favou...You want me to write about you!?

- ...and you as well.

- How long have you been playing me? Typical bloody gorilla!

- Since last night.

- You did not know who you were, where you were or what you'd been doing last night. That's the bit when you apologise. No? Next time you can wipe up the vomit that you left on the Kitchen floor. last night

- it was the only way I could get under your radar.

- It's a pity that you are so shitty, smitty.

- I just wanted to see what an Artist who paints 2D reads like in 3D

- Bollocks and pretentious at the same time. You sound like one of those career gallery jackals.

- Print would have been a new medium to be worked on.

- Oh Stephen ! Your selling yourself too short! You so deserve a prize. And i thought we weren't friends.

- Randall

- You're hungry. I know that face you pull when you want pub and grub. This isn't over right! No fucking way. you owe me.

- All right I'll paint you, or your daughter.

- Keep your brushes to yourself! Pub/

- I ail for a pale pint and grub. We don't have enough real estate.

- All to true but we can still afford a brew.

- Yeah right! Your penniless -ness becomes you!

- Ah Randy is on messege.

- Don't call me that! Don't ever call me that!

- Ok Who caused the 'ouch'?

- I broke a mans leg with 3 of my broken ribs.

- A ribby!

- Watch it Painter!

- Gertrude won't intrude.

- Plenty of doubt but no guilt. That's you all over.

- The inane keeps me insane.

- Please don't fall on this sword I'm giving you will you?

- I don't like a spike.

- I want an I.O.U.

- I'm sure i someone who can help.

- How can I pay me an I.O.U Lou?

- I don't mind clever people, I just don't like them proving it.

- Boring and true.

- Just eat your mince.

- Hey Ms spaghetti junction

- Sharp and icy- don't cut yourself.

- All weather words.

- Just staying ahead of the chains brains.

- From Staines.

- Look were you come from they have windscreen wipers not to look out but prevent people looking in!

- At least we don't have a Poor House anymore.

- Scrooge and you could be twins!

- Why do we always breakout into a mutual admiration society?

- Because we are both in love with ourselves!

- Is that acrylic, oil or your beloved watercolour?

- I don't even know how to swim!

- Wait till you try the gravy!

The End


© 2020 Stephen Hornsby-Smith

Website by Otters Pool Studio