top of page

Dialogue in an ex-synagogue turned vets

Stephen Hornsby-Smith

S- in a world of too many moving parts hazardously not working together at breakneck speed, full of injurious motivation and suicidal disincentive, why are at the Vets? R- it's the best place to get bagels of course S- Well that makes no sense R- Thank you! But they do do the best bagels you'll ever taste S- I presume this is just their sideline business? R- No you berk! They make them for the larger size dogs! S- So now I'm going to be eating dog biscuits am I? R- Too right ! S- There's always time to lose touch. Still best buddies with or without recycling with or without climate change? R- These bagels are genuine! People come from New York to taste these! S-... climate change...? R- Why cut the crap when you can make a lot of money out of crap? S- Bullshit! Now let's here the real story! R- Wasn't Warhol the first to recycle? S- Duschamp R- Suicidal art isn't something you want to repeat S- Art is repetition? R- 'Relentless' doesn't have to be repetitive S- No one really likes a winner R- ...............................................But everyone hates a loser! S- Losers are forever whereas 'winners' come and go R- Stigma is truly inherited S- The stigmatized have to stick together R- ...And everyone's a winner? S- Who doesn't want to have a grudge? Sorry, I'm in Bagel city here, who doesn't want to have an angle? R- Angles are pre-Viking times Painter, but grudges have always nudged life together. Oh yes, by the way,just in case you're being I'm due to see my Rabbi tomorrow. So if you'd like to bring along with you your ethnic take on New Yorker's then that's the time and place! S- I thought your mother is a Rabbi? R- She is and she's a Priest and a vicar and a guru etcetera S- It's not a stitch in time, she is the time! Can she do anything else? R- She is multi-talented and polymorphously capable of creating a mutually satisfying resentment between everybody.. S- So why is she a Rabbi ,Priest or is that Priestess..? R- Have you learnt nothing from my family yet? S-'s another one of her cover stories.. S- Is that your most cherished resentment? R- How pleasant, or should I say peasant is your pedantry?! S- For me it's.. R-...................the offside rule! is an offside trap! R- " You really can't argue with life". Well yes you can baldy locks! S- Well here we are again! Climate change is the most.... R-.........................................................................creatively.destructive S-.....the 2nd most creative destructive that the world at War with itself can muster. R- What trumps not enough food, water and clean air...? Fuck you Stephen! S- Conceptual fart is when too many bovines do too much of their bovine thing ! R- I still prefer the melting of the ice-cap! S- Only Cretans think that ! R- Yes folks we have a winner !! S- Political spin is pretty bad for the environment too! R- The world according to bark and not bite ! S-All bite and no bite makes Jack and Jill bad people? R- Do you think that all women like conspiracies or something? S- Or something? R- Class warfare is boring, but I do like a good ignorant moronic man to pick off ! S- Where's predictability when you need it ! R- Women are both predictable and nuanced and unpredictable by vigilance too ! S- Don't start ! R- Sexism is out there Hornsby ! You've just got to grab it by the horns when it comes around ! S That's the thing about sexism, you wait for an age for it to turn up and then three or four turn up at once ! R- The male gender wind-screen wiper ! S- How I miss the good old days ! R- Hands-off the good old days! Women have fought for eons against male criminality ! You think they're going to give it up so easily? S- Addiction prediction !! R- What are the possibilities.. Addiction may be the new consumer market of social reaffirmation but it is women who do all the shopping for it !! S- well that's alright then ! R- What !!? S- Just passing a glance at all that plain old apple-pie pain that you so disdain ! R- Pain is where the heart is not in the wallet ! S- Anger management is strictly a male preserve? R- Of course ! Anger is not instinctive in women S- Nurture not nature? R- Why not throw the kitchen sink in there.. S-..............................................................Do you have enough work surfaces to work with? R- Pink barbie dolls and cooking...what would we do without it? S- Well men have done without it for eons !! R- Too ffing right ! S- Firing way at 'Flash Gordon' won't bring you happiness! R- Who said anything about happiness when you can be proven ideologically right? S- Don't these bagels bring you more happiness than a political concoction? R- I know which I'd pick every day ! S- That's just suicidal ! R- Revolutions are built upon suicidal behaviour ! S- You rather than me sister!! Plus you'd miss all the fun of the inevitable counter-revolution! R- That is true... S- Now we have it ! Being proved right is 9 tenths of the flaw of politics!! And you get an early grave ! R- Why stick around when you're not wanted? S- Why waste any limited time at all? R- ...ah... "Don't men talk shit !" S- Positively diarrhoea R- Well I'm ms Imodium S- I thought it was only men that shit? What? R- Constipation is not a political practicality !! S- So........ R- ...........being stuck isn't a position you can maintain for long ! S- Good to know but its even better to know when to go... R-...............................................................You'll know when its your time S- How maternal of you ! R- We'll miss you fruitless contribution to Art ! And of course we'll bury you with your most repellent of Conceptual Art pieces so that you'll never get any relief from Conceptual Fart in your face ! S- How kind ! Recycle within a recycle? Can I open a tin of worms too?

bottom of page